Gohan's Journey: Fanfiction.net
by Paladone
Summary: Pg-13 for sexual refrences. What if Gohan, by a strange and unlikely accident, found himself exploring the wide and dangerous realm of Fanfiction.net from within? In chapter 13, Gohan explores the last bastion of bad fanfiction, the Mary-Sue.
1. The beginning.

Disclaimer: No I don't own dbz, or FF Net. K?   
  
Notes: I'm taking a break. Basically, I need feedback through reviews on my earthling saga, and I haven't got it. I want to know if I should start my next chapter with Yamcha/Kururin, or Tien SO, when your done reading this little thing, go read what I've done and decide, and TELL ME! Pretty please? OK. Now, as for this, it was an idea that clamped to my head and wouldn't go away. What if one of the characters (hint hint, gohan) was trapped in FF Net? Be warned, over the course of this min-epic, many types of fics shall be degraded and insulted, and many authors violated. ^_^ So what's gonna happend? Let's read and find out.   
  
  


# Gohan's Journey: Fanfiction.NET

  
  
  
It was a calm, ordinary day in the world of Dragon Ball Z, if any day could be considered normal. The hero of our story, a dark-haired, muscular boy we all know as Gohan was flying over to Capsule Corporation, on orders from Bulma. He was quite confused, and wondered why on earth she wanted to see him. This new internet craze had cuaght her, and she had been VERY upset about something she had found.   
  
He finally caught sight of the large, circular buildings that housed the famous Capsule Corporation. Gohan landed softly, trying not to make a disturbance, and was immediately caught in a giant bear hug.   
  
"OOOOH!!! GOHAN how NICE to see you again! My how you've GROWN!!! Ooh look at those muscles-"   
  
Gohan blushed slightly, "Uh..um hi Mrs. Briefs....uh, Bulma wanted to see me?"   
  
"Oh yes, she seemed quite upset about something, though I can't IMAGINE what it would be. My my, that girl never gets angry about anything!"   
  
Gohan tried hard not to laugh, and obediently followed the sunny blond mother inside. They twisted through the complex mansion, finally stopping at the lab. "Here we are! Well, you have fun dear!"   
  
"Thank you." He responded politely, then walked inside, to a veritible thunderstorm.   
  
**_"I AM NOT LIKE THAT!!!!"_** Gohan narrowly dodged a soaring chair, and looked around quite frightened. At the eye of a storm of broken equipment and furniture was Bulma. She was apparently reading something, but she paused every few seconds to break something else.   
  
"B-bulma...d-did you want to see me??..."   
  
Bulma regained her composure slightly, though her face had murder written all over it. "READ THAT!"   
  
Gohan quietly read out loud the passage, "Bulma, irritated by Yamcha's behavior, started moving seductively near the prince Vegeta. 'Oh my, Vegeta, what BIG MUSCLES you've got.' Softly, embarassed, Vegeta whipsered, 'yeah, I geuss so.' Bulma squealed in delight, 'oh, your so SWEET! Let's make wild, passionate love!'. She moved her hand longingly towards....."   
  
Gohan stopped, face bright red. "This is about YOU? Where on earth did you find this? What is this place?" He looked at the banner on top. "Fanfiction.net?"   
  
Bulma spun around, "I do NOT SQUEAL!!! And I most CERTAINLY didn't move my hand towards his....oh, sorry." She blushed slightly, "Anyway, this dungheap where I found the story is this FANFCTION.NET . I called you over because you'll probably take the insulting stories here more calmly, then, say Vegeta." Bulma looked down, "he went off to go kill the author, quite painfully, he assured me."   
  
"So...what should we do about it!"   
  
Bulma yelled in frustration, "I don't know! But I want to destroy it! All of it!" In anger, she slammed her fist down on the "Warp to another dimension (sorry)" button . A swirling Vortex appeared next to Gohan. The youth was jerked off of his feet, and he didn't have any time to scream as the hole swallowed him.   
  
The world swirled around him, and he found himself in a strange, surreal world, much like the room of spirit and time (hyper-bolice time chamber for you dubbies). Gohan slowly raised himself, groaning a little.   
  
"You woke up, huh?"   
  
A bright cheery voice startled him. "Hi there! I'm your guide!" Gohan looked up, startled, to see a strange floating black hole. "I'm dot, nice to meet you."   
  
"Guide....?"   
  
"Of course! Everyone needs a guide here at first, it's a very strange place. Well, are you coming or what?........"   
  
And the dot turned and flew towards the ominous looking mansion ahead. Gohan stared after him in bewilderment. _What have I gotten myself into?_ Oh, if only you knew, poor child.....   
  
_To be continued....._   
  


* * *

  
What will happen to our young hero? What sort of horrors will he witness? Stay tuned, as, next episode, Gohan becomes more familiar with the basics of the net. But will he survive the torture to come? Stay tuned! Seriously, do you think I should continue with this, or banish it 'to the next dimension.' 


	2. The realm

  
  
Notes: Here's the scoop. I'm not abandoing the Earthling Saga, I just need a break for a bit. I want about 5 more reviews before I continue. I khow this may seem greedy, but I want SOME people to be interested. So, after you read this, go check it out, it gets better after the first somewhat-clumsily written chapter. There, my whining meter's out now, let's talk. People liked this idea, and some requested to be mentioned so....they will be. And some who didn't will be too. *cough cough flamers cough cough*. If anyone actually wants their FIC to be mentioned, they have to mail me it first. I'm generallygoing to make up my own, since many of the trashy stories out there can be easily duplicated. ^_^ Without further ado, lets begin.   
  
  


# Gohan's Journey: Fanfiction.net-The beginning of terror

  
  
Bulma had no idea what was going on.   
  
She had hit some stupid button by the computer, and now Gohan was in her computer or something. _What the HELL is going on?_ It felt like she was INSIDE one of those trashy humor fics, except...it was REAL!   
  
"How am I going to get him out of there before Chi Chi comes over and has a heart attack?" She sat scared, thinking of a demonized Chi Chi strangling her to death. Shuddering, she fought off the image. She knew there was a way to release him, but she had to figure out how.   
  
Bulma sat down at her computer and began to search furiously for something, ANYTHING, that would save Gohan and, more importantly, her neck....   
  


* * *

  
Gohan followed the bizzare floating dot, completely confused. _I feel like I'm Alice in Wonderland._ Not 20 minutes ago, he was flying happily home, and now he was in some bizzare world deep within Bulma's computer. This day was NOT going well for him.   
  
"WE'RE HERE!" GOhan jumped about 10 feet in the air....literally. "Huh? Where?"   
  
"We're at the entrance! Come on, come on, we've got a long way to go!"   
  
"But wait a second, why are you doing this? Why are you showing me around?"   
  
"Because the story must go on! I'm here to make it longer!"   
  
Gohan looked confused, "Story?"   
  
The black dot chuckledr, "Of course, all the world's a story, and we're nothing but it's characters!" They entered through a pair of VERY slow revoloving doors. The dot laughed, slightly embarrased. "Eh, sorry, the place is laggy today."   
  
"Laggy?"   
  
"Er...slow. It happens a lot." They finally made it through the doors, and Gohan almost had an instant seizure. The walls were changing colors rapidly, from red to green to blue to yellow. The dot also waned back, "Quick boy, choose a color before the site crashes!"   
  
"Orange?"   
  
"NO NO NO! SAY A FRUIT BOY, FRUIT!!! LIKE BANNANA-YELLOW! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY!! NOW PICK ONE!!" (a/n, yes, you can change the color of the borders.)   
  
"L-LIME LIME!!!" Gohan cried out, thinking of the first soft, tasty fruit that came to mind. (that can be taken many different ways, depending upon whether you've seen the episode or not......)   
  
The walls stopped changing, and settled down at a dull green color. The dot sighed in relief. "Sorry. You're not really supposed to be part of the code, and it set things haywire. Now, there are LOTS of rooms, but we're only going to explore the general and DBZ rooms, the others are occupied right now."   
  
They moved past the empty front desk, and entered a large common room. Surrounding them were strange people, some that looked like they hadn't eaten or slept in years. "Who are they?"   
  
The dot laughed, "Oh, they're the managers of the site. They don't really have lives, so they spend their time maintaining computers. But some of them are making new stories or crazy new structuring plans to mess up everything. Supposedly, their next plan is to only allow 1 kilobyte files...to save space, of course. Someone else is planning on only being able to add specific paragraphs of stories to a facorites list."   
  
Gohan looked confused, "But how would that help anybody?"   
  
"Oh it doesn't, it just amuses them to have so much power over so many obssessed writers. Oh, here we are. "   
  
Gohan turned in to a giant green room, with a large computer screen displaying various parts of the site. The dot stopped it. "Let's begin."   
  
The screen flickered and showed a screen full of unitelligble hyroglyphics and sentence fragments. The dot mumbled, "Er..sorry, that's the readme file. Ah, here we go."   
  
The screen showed the DBZ story that Gohan had originally seen. Labeled "My sexy prince," it was written by ******* and had a large, flashing, NC-17 under it. There was a picture, censored yet again, and the young siayajin did not want to think about what it was. The mere thought made him blush, and he concnetrated on other things. The dot spoke again. "In this dimension (sorry again), we see stories like you would see movies, so words are powerful. I would show you this one, but you'll have time to see stories like it later." He skipped down to the reviews section. A small list of names appeared. The dot clicked on one at random. A happy little girl skipped in, "This was the best story I EVER READ! YOU ROCK!!! YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! WRITEMOREWRITEMORE!!!!!! ^______________^"   
  
Gohan nearly fell out of his seat. "H-huh?"   
  
"A good review!" Dot clicked on another one. "This is what we call a flame." Instead of an angel, a burning, deformed hulk of a monster trudged up. "ThiS StRy suX, u sUx, uR mUma's ass cuD writ bettir. go fk yrSelf." Gohan stared after him as he trudged back. "What was the point of that?"   
  
"Point? There's no point really. Most of them are illerate twits that devote their lives to irritating other people on unimportant matters."   
  
Gohan thought hard, "But what bout, like, conscious reviews, ones that are good but leave advice, or even worse ones that tell you how to get better."   
  
Dot stared at him, "....you're getting some strange ideas, boy. Let's move on."   
  
A list of authors began to scroll by, with their respective pictures. Gohan named them out increduosly. A little girl with a spiky haircut walked by. "Vegeta's little girl? But vegeta doesn't have a-"   
  
"SHUSH!"   
  
A strangely shaped apple pie came into view. It had a large hole in the center. (Watch American Pie, it makes this easier to understand.) "What do they mean, MY SEX TOY! What would I want with a Pie like that.....what's a sex toy, anyway."   
  
"Erm...cough cough...yeah, that's Gohan's Sex Toy." The pie burst into flames, "ah yes, a flamer too."   
  
"Um...ok." The young saiyajin could not contain himself sometimes though. "Monkey of the 21st century? Gohan Hugger? And what the heck is a Paladone?"   
  
The dot stiffened. "I was GOING to show you the discussion board, but with THIS attitude, I think we'll just march right over to the DBZ room."   
  
Gohan sighed, trying hard to hide his relief. Of course, he wasn't entirely happy, he didn't know what to expect. The odd couple walked through the bright green hallway. Many of the rooms were quite tiny, but they passed some large ones. A particularly ominous room eminated screams, terrible laughter, and a strange squealing noise. "W-w-what room is that?"   
  
The dot looked at the room apprehensivly, "Be careful, son, that's the Harry Potter section. All sorts of horrors happen there, due to the twisted minds that took it over." Two voices could be heard groaning, and the dot turned bright red, "Ah, mayhaps we should leave here."   
  
After navigating the endless tunnels, they finally reached the giant complex that housed the DBZ fanfiction. Gohan sighed, in relief.   
  
He had no idea that the horror had just begun.   
  
_TO BE CONTINUED_   
  


* * *

  
So, now that our poor hero has seen the beginning, will he survive the onslought of utter crap to come. Or will he live to see his family once more. STAY TUNED. Oh yeah, review and tell me what you think. 


	3. The Humor Section

Disclaimer: I don't onw dbz, FF.net, any authors and their stories (stories included BY PERMISSION), etc.   
  
Notes: Wow. I didn't realize how many people were gonna get into this or want to be in it. Almost everyone and their dog want to be mentioned. It will dissapoint people, but it's going to be VERY hard to get all of you in by name alone, let alone fiction. If you want a fic in the story, e-mail: Dieffenb@Prodigy.net (Dieffenbureau's my middle name). Now, listen closely. This is a humor fic, intended to make people laugh. Sure, you may submit a fic, and it could be really, really good, or genuinely unique or such. What **_I_** need, however, are generic fics (I'll make most of them,) fluffy romances or bizzare humor fics. Actually, almost any will do, I'll cover basically everything, but the fic is intended to be made fun of, or to make Gohan confused. It will ridicule the fic slightly, ok, a lot, so be warned. Well, enough rambling, lets go back to our poor hero....   
  
PS. For anyone worried about the Earthling Saga, I'm going back to do another chapter after this.   
  
  


# Gohan's Journey: Fanfiction.net-Chapter 3: The humor section

  
  
Bulma typed frantically at her computer, and slammed her fist down in frustration.   
  
She had been at it for a good hour, and nothing, no sign or trace of Gohan at all. Not one jot. How was she going to explain this to anybody, she thought miserably to herself. 'I'm sorry, chichi, I invited Gohan over to look at literary porn, and he got sucked into a swirling vortex that emited from my computer, and now he's gone. ^_^' The mere thought of the reply made her shudder.   
  
"WOMAN! What're you doing!"   
  
Bulma sighed and turned around to stare at her grumpy husband. This wa the last thing she needed. She noticed a slight smirk playing on his lips. "Ok, what've you been up to Vegeta? What did you do?"   
  
Vegeta's smirk turned into an evil grin. "I found the author....heh heh."   
  
Bulma's face went white, "What did you do to them?!...and who were they?"   
  
"Some person called Neko-han, and another called Frost, who called that pieve of filth a 'lemon'. I showed them I was quite sour (rimshot)." Bulma started choking, "Oh don't be stupid woman, I didn't kill anyone." He grinned again, "I just gave them reason not to write anything like that again. Though I might have broken some 'Frost's' ribs when I threw the computer......"   
  
"You do leave that impression on people, " She said acidly. (a/n, no of course they didn't actually write the crap I put down in chapter 1, but they DID want to be in...so...)   
  
Buruma's monitor flickered, and FF.net opened suddenly. The author's list was scrolling down. "Not again," She muttered. "What's going on with that?....wait a second."   
  
SHe had barely paid attention at first, but it seemed as though something from inside was controlling everything. "VEgeta, go away for a second, I need to look at something."   
B

Vegeta sulked off to the training room, and a horrible thought began to form in Bulma's mind.....   
  


* * *

  
"Well boy, what'll it be."   
  
Gohan stared at the screen for a moment, looking at the different categories. He wasn't entirely sure what he'd get, whichever one he picked, but he knew he didn't have a whole lot of choice. At the very least, he'd try to get a laugh out of it. "I'll try humor."   
  
The bizzare floating dot wordlessly flew to the left, and Gohan followed behind, slowly. _It's humor, it can't be THAT bad._ Suddenly, a bright light shone from a large door in front of them. Gohan was half-blinded, but grimly moved onward.   
  
A giant room opened up from the door, revealing many desks and workers. The dot explained, "We can keep track of the authors by 'clipping' them when they sign on. We can see everything they do, as long as they remain online...heh heh heh." The odd pair continued to walk silently, and Gohan slumped down, trying hard not to be noticed.   
  
"YES!!! IT'S FINISHED!!!!" Gohan nearly bowled over. "I, Acyla, am a sheer GENIUS. Hey Nickon, the 'master', look at this!"   
  
Nickon, dressed in a suit and red cape, walked apprehensively foward, "uh....how to annoy the characters? What is it?"   
  
Acyla laughed half-insanely, "It's incredible. Hey, you know how to annoy Goku? (a screen opens up. Goku is running from someone dressed up as a needle.) GYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAA!!!!"   
  
Gohan spoke nervously to the dot, "These people are beginning to scare me."   
  
(A picture of Vegeta with his hair green, dressed with christmas lights flickers on. More insane laughter. Nickon flees) "Welcome to my world," Dot said blandly. They moved on.   
  
(a/m Hey, you did want to be mentioned! *grins* Basically, you asked for it. *Acyla starts stalking Paladone with a saw-edged knife*, oh crap. *runs*) 

* * *

  
Bulma looked at the latest file that had popped up from nowhere. "How to annoy the characters?......"   
  
Vegeta looks at one line in incredulity, "Point at vegeta and say, 'Look, a real live troll doll!'"   
  
Bulma winced, preparing for the explosions. But Vegeta just stood there, an insane grin forming on his face. "Oh, this one insulted my hair, now. What should I do about this. HEHE, oh yes, I think I'll roast this one over a fire, or perhaps rip out their intestines and shove them down his (or her) throat. AHAHAHAHAHAH!" Laughing insanely, Vegeta plunged through the roof, and sped off in search of the author.   
  
Bulma put her face in her hands and groaned.   
  


* * *

  
"Well, I'll try to make this easy for you. Humor fics are generally quickly done, so they have less real 'quality' to them then some of the others. Now let's see....Vegeta's Christmas...Gohan's Journey: FF.net....AH here we go. 'Things DBZ characters will never say, #435'."   
  
"What's that?"   
  
"It's a strange and bizzare list of sexual and idiotic jokes."   
  
"Um.....ok."   
  
*ding* A metallic voice blurted out. "Things DBZ characters will never say, #435. Written by ******, rating pg-13, summary: wOW guyz, chec out mie latest offeringz. this is funnyz!"   
  
The screen flashed, and changed. A sort of stage formed, and gohan gasped as he saw everyone he had ever known form on it. Except they were all...different."   
  
Goku walked up first. "I'm....smart. Yes I am."   
  
The dot beside him cackled in glee, but Gohan was confused, and slightly angry. "What's funny about that?"   
  
He spoke again. "Chichi, I did it, I finished 'The train that could'!"   
  
Gohan's eyes narrowed, and a growl began to form in his throat. No one DARED insult Otousan like THIS before....   
  
"Hey, Gohan, I've hidden the fact from you that I'm smart!"   
  
It was all Gohan could do to not turn ssj and blow the whole damn place up. "It's the same joke every time! They're making fun of my dad's intelligence!! It's not funny!!! (eyes flicker green) (goku says a similar statement) Doesn't the same insulting joke get boring after a while!?"   
  
The dot backed off nervously, since Gohan's hair was flickering gold and his eyes turning green again. "L-lets scroll down a bit."   
  
Gohan took deep breaths and sat down again, as GOku stepped back and Vegeta ran up. Vegeta, instead of looking his usual gurmpy self, looked......   
  
"APRIL SHOWERS ATTACK!!!!"   
  
The whole screen flew with daisies and roses that pulsed from Vegeta's happy palm. Smile faces formed all around him."   
  
Gohan stared blankly. "Um....ok...ha...ha..."   
  
"I love you goku!" ,BR>   
_Damn right he wouldn't say THAT_   
  
"Goku. I want you. I've dreamed about you, in fact, whenever I think about you, I ********* ***** ****"   
  
Gohan's face went red. "That's disgusting! What kind of sicko writes stuff like that?"   
  
"Harder goku! HARDER! YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!"   
  
Gohan screamed out, "FOR GOD'S SAKE ENOUGH!"   
  
Still scared, the dot scrolled down. Vegeta stepped back, and Furiza went forward.   
  
"Goku. I want you. I've dreamed-"   
  
Gohan could hardly believe this. FRIEZA? "What is this, anyway? Are these people obsessed with....what do you call it."   
  
The dot was laughing nervously, "Yaoi."   
  
Cell was up by now. "I always get that strange, tingly feeling, when I suck people up my ass."   
  
Gohan snarled at the sight of his former enemy, and didn't even bother commenting about the joke.   
  
"Gohan...I AM your father."   
  
Gohan stood up, and smashed his fist into the screen wordlessly. It disintegrated. So did the wall behind it. He spun around and bounded on the poor dot. "What kind of garbage is this!"   
  
The dot had turned blue, and was shivering in fear. "Y-y-y-y-you did ask for the humor section....."   
  
Gohan sat back down, feeling much better for some reason. Some drones appeared with a new computer. "No more of that. Let's move on. Are there any humor fictions with a real plot to them?"   
  
"Er.....no not really. It involves too much effort to make a funny plot, so they satisfy their urge with these short little lists. Well...wait, no, here's something! 'Family Feud'. Let's try this!"   
  
The metallic voice droned on "Family feud: By Gohan Hugger. (Gohan shivered) Rating: R Summary: (lots of cussing) The Sons and Briefs are in for boot camp....also known as sgt suckyoubutt." (a/n: YES, that is the actual summary. ^_^)   
  
The boy choked on that a little. "Family feud? That has nothing to do with boot camp? And who's SGT SUCKYOUBUTT??!?!?!"   
  
"Uh....just watch."   
  
The two families, the sons and the briefs gathered. A strange man with a shimmery tied walked on. "Welcome to Family Fued!" The families step out. "Lets get started."   
  
Gohan sighed and relaxed. Maybe this one would be more sane. He should've known better.   
  
"Is that your final answer?"   
  
Vegeta suddenly went insane. "DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Blasts the host away to Home for Infinite Losers.   
  
The saiyajin fell out of his chair, while the dot started laughing again. "Huh? What? Where? Why did he-?"   
  
Ox-King appeared from nowhere. "The show is now Family stir Fry Brewed?"   
  
Silence. Mirai Trunks spoke out. "I want to call it an orgy!"   
  
Gohan stood up, "But that made no-?"   
  
He heard an older version of himself speak out, "You all shutup, I'm in a battle with the Cerulian Gym Leader!"   
  
GOhan couldn't take any more of this. "But what's the point of this? Why are they here? No one acts like this! It's completely random!"   
  
Chich screamed out to Buruma. "Bring it on, Blue-Haired Bitch!"   
  
Gohan snapped. **_"AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_** His hair turned golden and grew longer, and his eyes blazed bright green. **_"MASENKO----HA!"_** A blazing yellow ball of energy erupted from his hands. It destroyed not only the computer, but a good half of the humor section. With shimmering light still shining around, the dot fled back to the maze of the DBZ section.   
  
Gohan calmed himself down, and looked around at the mass destruction, slightly ashamed of himself. Slightly. "Well.... I'd better go find dot. I'll need him if I ever want to get out of this place."   
  
  
_To be continued......_   
  


* * *

  
Will Gohan find dot? What other stories and horrors will he face? Will his sanity survive, or will he destroy everything first? Stay tuned! 


	4. The Humor Section, Part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ, Fanfiction.net, or any of the stories or authors mentioned.   
  
Notes: Ok, I lied. I said I'd do an Earthling Saga chapter next, but I couldn't put this down. Alos, the sheer prospect of doing two sagas at once made my head spin. Cutting through the excuses, I'm lazy. So, this is the last time I'll mention the fiction, and you won't here about it again. Basically, I'm gonna take it down and fix a lot of the stuff I had problmes with. But on to the fiction. Once again, I'll do my best, but it's very hard to get in everyone's fic, and everyone's name. Really, I'm sorry if I miss you. Heck, people are placing BETS to see if I put them in. Now, why don't we see what Gohan and crew are up to.....   
  


# Gohan's Journey: Humor, Part 2

  
  
  
Bulma wringed her hands in frustration. NOW what?   
  
After 'family feud' popped up, the whole place had shut down. As much as she tried, she couldn't seem to locate the story again. Without the stories, she couldn't tell where Gohan was, and if she couldn't find Gohan, her head'd be on Chi-chi's plate. "WOMAN!!!"   
  
Oh, how she grew to HATE that name. "Did you have fun? You left a nice big hole in the ceiling when you departed, your highness." she spat. Vegeta's eyes were slightly crazed, but he looked quite pleased with himself. "Oh, it goes farther than that. I found the girl typing another fic, comparing my hair to a christmas tree. I didn't like that very much, so I threw her up REAAAAL high."   
  
Bulma gasped, "You didn't kill her, did you!?"   
  
Vegeta sighed, "No, I couldn't. The grass, you understand, it was too nice to be destroyed. But she probably wished I had. *evil grin* I took her to some guy called 'Eternal Bob', who's apparently been stalking her, and tied her up right next to his bed."   
  
Bulma went white, "That's horrible!"   
  
"So's insulting my fine hair, woman. What ARE you doing anyway?"   
  
Bulma's eyes went a little wild, "Gohan got trapped in my computer, I'm trying to find him."   
  
VEgeta stared incredulously, ".....what? That sounds like some sort of stupid plot device one of those lousy authors would come up with. Trapped inside your computer...huh. That WOULD happen to Kakarot's brat. I wonder how his devil-spawn of a wife will take this. I wouldn't want to be you right now, woman. *another evil grin*"   
  
Bulma snorted, "Oh shut up and go play in the gravity-room or something."   
  
"Play??? PLAY!?!?!?!?!?!" HIs face turned very red.   
  
"Go bother another author." She grinned, "Some guy named SSJ4 wrote a fic about you and Pokemon."   
  
Vegeta gasped, "You mean they put ME and THOSE THINGS in the same story? Making love?!?!?!" His voice went several octives higher than ever before. "I'LL GET YOU BAAAAAKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAASSS!!!!!!!!" He blasted out of the lab. Bulma yelled after him, "I just meant he mentioned the show, not....aw, forget it."   
  


* * *

  
Gohan ran down the blasted crater that his masenko had caused, searching frantically for Dot. He couldn't afford to get lost in this place, this strange, somewhat terrifying realm, and his blast had scared the poor thing. As he rushed on, he noticed many authors franatically running down corners screaming. Maddog rushed down the corner, "CALM DOWN, everyone calm down! They're fixing it, they're gonna fix it, CALM DOWN!!"   
  
AS he spoke, the huge, imposing figure of Steve Savage marched down. "Who's RESPONSIBLE for this! I haven't seen a disaster like this since we instated the new chaptering system!" The crying continued. "LISTEN TO ME!!!!" He roared, blasting a large ki hole in the wall.   
  
But the others were out of control, "I LOST MY BEST WORK!" one wailed, "I had over 25 fictions about poor little Veggie-head!"   
  
_Veggie Head?_   
  
"I miss my 400 'thingz DBZE peple wud neva say.' fics! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!" (Gohan begins to feel better about blowing everything up)   
  
"I want my 'Candyland DBZ' Fiction back!"   
  
"FORGET IT!!" He yelled out, and stomped off, muttering to himself. Gohan had a strange, sudden premonition that he would be fighting him later on, in a big battle that suited no purpose whatsoever.   
  
The others continued to whine. "I lost my Pokemon/DBZ crossover!"   
  
"My 'Gohan takes Ballet' thing was incenerated!" (a/n I can't for the life of me find it, but it does exist somewhere out there)   
  
Gohan went sheet-white. He had almost forgotten that people were writing about him too. BALLET?!?!?!?! But why are these people so upset? Why do these things matter so much? Don't these people have lives? Silently, Gohan pondered that....then burst out laughing.   
  
Everyone stopped talking and stared. "OOOOOH!!! LOOK, IT'S GOHAN!!!!!"   
  
"I wanna HUG YOU!" (*Paladone grins at Gohan Hugger*)   
  
"I'm your GIRL! I'm obsessed with you and Picollo! Can I make crazy love to you?!?! Will you marry me!?!?!"   
  
"OOOOH!!! GO SSJ2!!!! SSJ2 KICKS ASS!!!!!"   
  
"I devoted 5 websites to you!!"   
  
"I wrote a stupid humor series about you being trapped on this website!!!"   
  
"Duhurhurhurhurhur! Your my FAVORITE CHARACTER! I had you maimed and tortured extensively in my last fic!"   
  
Gohan yelled out as a horde of crazed authors started running after him. Frightened, he turned and bolted. Though he knew he could probably blow them all away with his finger, he didn't really feel like killing a poor group of ignorant fans. He silently wondered to himself if there were any normal, sane, calm fans like Paladone *snickers from the audience* who wrote fanfiction.   
  
The boy's thoughts were jammed to a halt, as he ran smack into 'Videl's Evil Twin'. "Ah, a younger version of my sister's lover. COME TO ME!!!!! MWHAHAHAHA!" Gohan, now nearly frightened to death, blasted out sending the demonic Videl all the way to the horror section. He continued to run, the others gaining on him.   
  
Gohan stopped suddenly, feeling really, really stupid. "Wait a minute. What the hell am I doing?"   
  
Gohan took off the ground and started to fly, leaving the others behind. Calming down, he sped ahead near the center of the section, still looking for Dot. AS he flew past, he saw another fiction currently playing. Kururin was dancing around #18, singing, "Simply Irresistable."   
  
He stopped and stared. "Even though she's a droid, I just can not avoid, that oh so sexy smile, it's just driving me WILD! *Mirai Trunks trying deseperately to shut him up* She used to look good to me but now I find her....SIMPLY IRRESISTABLE!"   
  
Gohan stared for a second increduosly as Kururin continued his dancing, hearts for eyes, and the others joining in. Then he burst out into uncontrollable laughter. _Kururin probably would do that, wouldn't he?_   
  
"HI, I'm FELP!"   
  
Gohan stopped laughing and looked down. A little weasle was standing there, holding a flashing 'help' sign. "I'll be your guide!"   
  
Gohan sighed in relief, ignoring the fact that he didn't understand why caling the help guide Felp was funny. "Thank God! Ok, how do I get out of here?"   
  
Silence. The weasle's eyes went blank.   
  
"Uh....ok. Could you just lead me to where dot is?"   
  
Nothing.   
  
Gohan threw his hands into air, "HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS ROOM!" 

  
Blink, blink.   
  
"Forget this." (a/n: Has anyone else noticed how completely USELESS Felp is?)   
  
The saiyajin started to walk away, and heard from behind him. "Do you have a question for me?"   
  
"THAT DOES IT!!!!!!"   
  
Gohan powered up and started blasting holes through the wall, locking on to dot's weak ki. Systematically, he blasted through the remainder of the maze, and finally found the bizzare floating dot.   
  
"There you are."   
  
The dot quailed back. "A-are you still mad!" He looked pointedly at the remains of the humor section.   
  
Gohan sighed, "No, I suppose not. Now let's continue. There're other sections right?"   
  
"Y-yes. There's horror, general, romance, drama....."   
  
Gohan steeled himself. "Alright, let's go."   
  
  
_ To be continued...._

* * *

  
Well, thats it for humor. Sorry this chapter was a bit short. DOn't worry, the next couple of chapters'll be REAL big. Oh yeah, geuss what section's up next. The Romance section. *screams eminate from the audience, Paladone laughs evilly* Mwahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!   
  



	5. The Romance Section, Part 1

Disvlaimer: *insert standard disclaimer and witty joke here*   
  
Notes: Man I'm beginning to love writing this. Believe me, it's at least as much fun writinf this to me as it is reading this to you. Vegeta's Little Girl has made a little altar for me (how sweet), and Monkey of the 21st century won a **50-dollar** bet with a real retar---I mean *special* person, and won. Did you ever doubt that I would put such a great name in the fic? Of course, there are drrawbacks. Ash the Wanderer's probably gonna hunt me down with a rusty axe if I don't move my ass to the horror section and put him and his fic in soon (oh, don't worry ashy boy, you'll get your turn. A big one *really evil smirk*.). And poor Acyla, who I tortured and belittled a bit, has officially declared war on me, so it'll be my sad duty to continue bothering her. You'll probably see a fic from her where I'm beat up andd whipped on a rack by every character in the series. ^_^ As I promised, we're on to.....   
  
  


# Gohan's Journey: The Romance Section, Part 1

  
  
Steve Savage started cursing. _What is going on around this moronic place?_   
  
He savagely (rimshot) bit his lip in frustration. The whole humor section of the DBZ hall had been completely obliterated, and somone had bluntly punched holes through the wall till he or she got back to the center. The authors were currently running around screaming, and some contemplated suicide.   
  
One group, however, looked more dissapointed than upset. _Wait a minute. Aren't those the retar---*special* people I saw earlier today?_ He marched over to them. "Alright, you people look calm. Talk, now, or I'll CANCEL all your accounts and BLACKLIST YOU!"   
  
"OH NO!" Gohan Hugger squealed (a/n: I'm DETERMINED to annoy her, she's so stubborn. BE ANNOYED! *Paladone stomps his foot imperiously*) "DON'T CANCEL OUR ACCOUNTS! Our l-lives would end right there!"   
  
Steve grinned savagely (rimshot) "Then talk."   
  
Kuwa----kuqaiji----kawaiikoun----aw forget it, started talking excitedly, "It was GOHAN! CUTE L'IL GOHAN! Oh he looked so strong and cute, and cute, and cute, and...."   
  
"Wait a minute, WHAT? How could a character just march through here? Are you certain it wasn't just a crazed author?"   
  
"Oh no sir, he was real all right. He blew Videl's Evil Twin to the Harry Potter (horror) section! He even punched holes though the indestructable walls!"   
  
Steve sneered like a savage (a/n all right ALL RIGHT, quit booing, I'll stop already!) "So, this 'Gohan' thinks he can get away with this. Well, we'll just see about that!"   
  


* * *

  
Gohan continued following behind dot, telling himself over and over again to try and keep his temper in check next time. As he walked away from the destruction, more order and calm appeared. Maybe this section wouldn't be quite as bad.   
  
"I'll KILL HIM!!!!!"   
  
GOhan groaned. _Oh no, not her again!_ Acyla, a crazed, insane look in her eyes, trudged down the hallway carrying 'torture for dummies' books. "Oh no, death is too good for him! Oh, I'll stretch Paladone along the rack, then carve into him with a dull edged butter knife! That'll whipe that smirk off his face! Or maybe, (looks at her smut books and grins), oh this'll be PERFECT! He'll pay for this highly humorous yet semi-insulting insult! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!" (Acyla's much easier to make fun of. ^_^)   
  
The boy stared after her, and even dot looked a little shaken. "......dot.....this place really scares me....."   
  
"To be honest, I haven't seen many cases like this one."   
  
Gohan looked sad, "But why would anyone want to insult or hurt poor Paladone? As far as I can tell, he's a nice, quiet, non-insulting sort of author. At least he's not a raving lunatic like the others. (*Howls of laughter and cat-calls roar from the audience.* All right shut up! Yes I'm self- inserting, so what? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!)   
  
Suddenly, the whole mass of buildings started shaking uncontrollably, and the wals started flashing again. Suddenly a bleak metallic voice shouted out "WARNING! WARNING! TOO MANY PEOPLE ON THE SERVER! EMINENT CRASH EVIDENT!!!"   
  
Dot swore, "What are they DOING! What the heck do they think the're doing? Gohan, quickly, in here! The entire hall's going to be swept of people, and that'll mean us!" Dot rushed to a 'Crash shelter', draggin Gohan along with him.   
  


* * *

  
Bulma cursed in frustration. "What is WITH the net? I can't go anywhere without having to refresh the thing 20 or 30 times!"   
  
Vegeta swooped back into the room, cursing angrily. A trickle of blood was running down his nose. "WOMAN!!! You told me SSJ4 was a GUY!"   
  
Bulma looked confused, "Yeah, what's your point?"   
  
Vegeta snapped in a fury, "Never mind, she hit me, I don't want to talk about it. What're you doing."   
  
Bulma sighed, "Why don't you come and take a look, your royal highness. Maybe you can help me, if you've had enough fun torturing authors." 

* * *

  
The rumbling finally subsided, and a voice blurted out that it was safe to return to the hall. Gohan was quite shaken, he had never experienced a server crash from the inside. But when he tried to move, it was nearly impossible. "Why are my limbs moving so slowly?"   
  
Dot was also floating in slow motion, "After something like this, the server's going to be laggy. There's no logical explanation, I think the server masters just do it to torture us. Here, let's move on, it'll get better."   
  
They slowly (literally) continued down the hall, which was now nearly abandoned. After what seemed like days, they finally came to a bright doorway.   
  
"OK, here we are, this is the romance room." The walls, though still green, were draped with elaborate pink curtains Self-important looking authors drifted across desks, totally emersed in their work. For the most part, it looked very nice. There was one closed off section, however, that looked black and ominous, and nasty squelching sounds came from behind it. "What's over there?"   
  
The dot went bright red, "Oh, that's the.....adult section. I'm afraid we'll have to go through that to get to the horror section."   
  
_Why me?_ Gohan glumly thought as he walked into the movie room. Dot cleared his throat, or it sounded like it, since he didn't really have a throat...or a mouth....."Ok, I'll introduce you to the most common kind of Romance. We only need to watch one, because they're all the same. It's a Bulma and Vegeta romance."   
  
"....don't people get tired of the same story over and over again?" Gohan asked, a little confused.   
  
"Apparently not. Well, let's get started."   
  
A **Really Big** list of stories came up, and Gohan quailed back, "Dear kami!"   
  
"Here this one'll do."   
  
The familiar electronic voice bleated out, "Bulma's revenge, by ********. Rating, R. Summary: OOOOOOOH! I just LOOOVE writing V/B FICTIONS! This is my 5th. I LOOOOVE Veggie head, and he's PERFECT for Bulma?" (a/m I know the summary, it's an old one. I'm not going to release the real name or the author, or for that matter, the real story, but this summary was one of the first V/B summaries I read.)   
  
Gohan stared, "....but that doesn't say anything whatsoever about the story! What's with these people and Veggie-head?"   
  
"Hush, it's starting."   
  
The scene started at Bulma's house. Bulma and Yamcha were talking heatedly (arguing). Yamcha looked much more evil and sleazy then Gohan ever remembered him. "Bulma, It's over. I'm tired of you, your nothing to me. I don't have any commitment or feelings, and I'm going to abandon you."   
  
Gohan jumped up, outraged. "YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!!!"   
  
Bulma started crying. "No, pretty please, don't leave me." Yamcha smirked, "Whine to someone else, b*tch"   
  
Gohan tried to calm himself, but his face was turning red. "What is this? It didn't happen like this! Bulma would never cry, and Yamcha wouldn't..."   
  
Yamcha strode down the street, grabbed a slutty woman that had appeared from nowhere by the arm, and dragged her into an alley, laughing evilly. The woman seductively followed him. Bulma cried out, "YOU MONSTER! WAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!" She wailed and plunged into the house. Scene 1 ended.   
  
Gohan tried to hold in his anger, and was failing miserably. "Wh-what have they done? It didn't happen like that at all! Yamcha and Bulma are still great friends!" He glared at the dot, "Why do you let this happen?"   
  
Dot cowered back, "It's not my idea! People have strange ideas, and they want to make Yamcha evil so they can satisfy their own urge for the 'perfect' relationship between the two, even though the real one was far from perfect."   
  
"But Vegeta's the evil one! Heck, he doesn't respect Bulma at all, and he doesn't spend any time with his family! Yamcha's always been kinda flirtatious, but he was never THIS bad!"   
  
"Uh.....here, part 2's starting."   
  
"I can hardly contain my excitement," Gohan mumbled as he sat down again. The scene had changed to Vegeta's training room, where (gasp) Vegeta was training, quite happily. He had always been fairly muscular, but the author had gone to extremes, and he looked very much like a solid rock of muscle. His eyes were strangely gentle, and he was talking out loud.   
  
"Oh bulma, I just want to tell you how much I love and care about you, but I can't! I'm too shy! I'm too sensitive!"   
  
GOhan nearly burst out laughing. Whenever Vegeta wanted something, he TOOK it. Sensitive was the LAST way to describe Vegeta.   
  
Bulma ran into the room. For some obscure reason, she felt that crying in the training room next to a big, grumpy brute would make her feel better. She slumped down on the floor, and buried her face in her arms. Begeta trained more, trying to ignore her, but his face took on a gentle expression. "What's wrong, bulma?"   
  
_Bulma?!?!?! Did he just call her Bulma?_   
  
"Oh dear Vegeta, thank you for caring, I'm so sad!"   
  
Gohan frowned "Now isn't that a bit exaggerated and childish?"   
  
Dot replied, "Of course, the author of your story is trying to make a **_Point_**, so he's wildly exaggerating the normal V/B fic"   
  
".....what?"   
  
"Never mind, just keep watching."   
  
Bulma turned her face up, "Yamcha, that big, annyoing, mean, evil, terrible, horrible brute broke up with me, and it makes me sad! I shouldn't be sad, if he's as evil as I make him out to be, but I am!"   
  
Vegeta layed a caressing hand on her shoulder, and wierd (porno, or DBZ dub, their the same thing) music started playing. "It's all right bulma, I'm here for you. Just relax." His muscles suddenly gleamed with sweat, and they kissed....for about five minutes.   
  
Gohan turned away, slightly sickened, "That's not right! Don't they have to breathe? Why is she being so stupid, she'd NEVER do this all at once?"   
  
The sound of clothes ripping off and such emitted. "The author here takes great pleasure in this part of the fic, so he or she is describing it in great detail. You'll see enough of this later, so let's move on."  The next half-an-hour was devoted to more sex and more of Vegeta opening his suddenly tender, vulnearble, and kind heart to Bulma. Gohan started having quite serious thoughts about mass destruction, or maybe knocking himself out to make the pain end.   
  
Gohan looked with relief as the scenery changed back to the front porch of the house, and noted that the story was reaching it's conclusion. Yamcha, looking muddy and sleazy, rang on the doorbell. Bulma answered, "Why hello Yamcha."   
  
Yamcha smirked, "Honey-baaaaby. I want you back, I've had enough tussling for a while. You know you can't resist me."   
  
Gohan groaned, _This is SOOOOO corny._   
  
Bulma smirked back. "I don't want you anymore."   
  
Yamcha's eyes widened, "WHAT! HOW DARE YOU!" He raised his arm to attack, but was grabbed by the scruff of the neck by Vegeta. "Leave her alone, jerk. You're not wanted anymore."   
  
Yamcha was thrown to the street. He jumped up. "I'll get you back, you haven't heard the last of MEEEEEE!!!!!" He ran down the street, cursing savagely (don't start with me). Vegeta smiled, "We won't have to worry about him any more, my love."   
  
The two made a passionate, incredibly long kiss, and the story ended.   
  
Dot turned to Gohan, who was shaking in anger. "W-well, there you go. What'd you think?"   
  
"WHAT DID I THINK!? I TELL YOU!!! This was a lousy, completely out of character story, and heck, you could have switched the names around with bob, dan, and mary, and no one would have noticed! And look what they did to Yamcha!!!"   
  
Gohan was nearly out of control, and his hair was flickering gold again. Dot yelled out, "OK, OK! Let's move on!"   
  
"No more of those. What about some other characters?"   
  
"Well, the second most popular are Trunks/Pan Goten/Bra fics where Marron is always the evil bitch."   
  
Gohan looked very confused, "Huh? Who're they?"   
  
".....never mind."   
  
"But hey, what about Kururin and 18, or my parents?"   
  
The dot burst out laughing, "Your a funny young lad! Why would anyone want to write aobut those nice couples?"   
  
"What?"   
  
The dot thought hard, "There are some crossovers, like 17 and Bulma, 18 and Vegeta, etc."   
  
Gohan shivered, "No thanks, I'm getting to know these people too well to risk those kinds of romances."   
  
"Wait a minute, here we go, here's one!"   
  
Dot clicked on one, and the metallic voice bleated out once again. "The Green Lover. Rating, R. Summary: Piccolo is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sexy. Oh it has to be those tentacles, or maybe his pink and green arms. Anyway, this is a love story about him. "   
  
Gohan stared open-mouthed. "You're joking, right? This can't be about Mr. Piccolo. He doesn't HAVE a gender, or any feeling of tha sort! How could he?..."   
  
The scene changed to a grassland, amd Picollo was busy training for all he was worth. _Yeah, I can see Mr. Picollo doing that_ Gohan thought fondly. Then, a pod crashed from nowhere, and a strange, different, FEMALE namek walked out. "So your the famous Picollo?"   
  
Picollo looked only mildly surprised, "Yup, I assume you want training?"   
  
"Of course, dear!"   
  
This was getting to be too much, "Why would Mr. Picollo agree to train a stranger like a friend so quickly? He's a social introvert, he wouldn't ever willingly train with people. It took me three-quarters of a year to become good friends with him!"   
  
".....uh....."   
  
Picollo started training with the unusual girl, and gradually became fond of her. (We all know that trainign brings out the best in Picollo.) They sat talking warmly by a waterfall, even though they were training in the desert.   
  
"Picollo, I......I love you. Even though you hardly talk at all, aren't male, and have fangs, I love you."   
  
A happy, outrageously dim expression, one Gohan thought looked VERY strange on his face, returned. "I LOVE YOU TOO! Let's boogie!" The started kissing, then the DBZ dub music started playing again...and...   
  
"Does it always end like this?"   
  
Dot shrugged. "Yup, mostly because the people that write this are living out their own fantasies, and are perverts. Of course, I'm only showing R fics, mostly because Pg-13 fics wouldn't get you so upset."   
  
Gohan didn't heart he last remark,"But who would find Mr. Picollo SEXY? He's GREEN!"   
  
"You'd be surprised. There's fanart completely devoted to love between Picollo and....." Dot suddenly coughed nervously and tried to avert his eyes from Gohan. "Um.....lets get out of this section, you've seen plenty. Be warned, though, we have to go through the NC-17 section and watch 3 fictions first?"   
  
Gohan started feeling very sick. "Why?"   
  
"To make the story longer."   
  
"You've said that before."   
  
"Let's go." Gohan stood up, feeling proud for not destryoing anything, and plodded behind dot, towards the onimous dark corner of the room.......   
  
Savage walked savagely into the savage room (RIMSHOT! YOU CAN'T STOP MEEEEEEE!!!!!), just as the door closed. "Where did the brat go? Oh, I'll find the boy yet, then I'll tie him up and place him in the NC-17 Pokemon section." Acyla ran shrieking past him, "I'LL GET YOU NOW, PALAODNE!!! You'll NEVER FINISH THIS STORY!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!"   
  
Steve ignored her and walked past, having the sudden feeling that he would lose to Gohan by being embarassingly outmatched in power and skill. But he was a villain, since EVERY story has a villain, so he had to fight him. _I'll get him.....if he doesn't go insane first._   
  
_To Be Continued......_

* * *

  
This was harder to write then most, mostly because I had to make it all up. This section is particularly touch for some people. Oh, don't worry, I have some NC-17 samplings for you all, but keeping with the tradition of my PG-13, nothing bad will be described. Will Gohan make it through the horror? Will Steve Savage the Savage destroy him first? Will Acyla's madness finish our author before he can finish the story? Stay tuned! R/R   
  



	6. The Romance section, NC-17s, Part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own dbz, any of the authors, ff.net, or the hilarious joke I'm supposed to put here.   
  
Notes: All right, you people REALLY annoy me sometimes. I AM A GUY!!!!!! FOR GODS SAKE I AM A GUY! Why do people think I'm a girl, how do they ASSUME I'm a girl. And you all know what happens when you Ass-U-Me. *grumbles* Maddog and Gohan Hugger are in for some nasty surprises along with Acyla. Well, besides that, I can't think of much more to say. Once again, I'm VERY sorry if I miss you or can't put your name in, sometimes it's very hard to keep track of it all, and my e-mailsometimes goes awry. Also, generally if I don't put in your fiction, it's not because it's bad. It's mostly because a) I've already passed the section, or b) I can't think up good jokes to follow it. Really, this is a humor fic, so I ahve to make it funny. Well, that's enough of my long-winded rambling and complaining. In this chapter, poor Gohan will now be exposed to.....lemons.......*evil horror music*. Honestly, though nothing is described, it's hinted at pretty bluntly, so if you don't like this sort of thing, I would probably suggest you don't read it. Just read the first part (it's important), the middle segment with Steve, and the very last part. Believe me, there'a a hefty helping of humor (that's alliteration folks), but it IS more mature than the other chapters. It might not be quite as funny (it is much ahrder than it seems to make good jokes), but I'll make that up in the next chapter.   
  


# Gohans Journey: The (censored) NC-17 section

  
  
  
The telephone rang at the briefs residence.   
  
"Oh bother! Vegeta, will you get that?"   
  
Vegeta gasped in surprise. NO ONE told HIM what to do. **"NOW!! GO!!"** Vegeta cursed and stalked off, muttering to himself. _He's like a big, pointy-haired dog._ Another angsty romance fic between her and Vegeta popped up, written by Neko-han again, and she gratefully clicked it away, decideing not to tell Vegeta, lest the whole roof of the house be blown down, and the poor author have their legs ripped off.   
  
Vegeta came baxk with the phone, still ringing. "Ok woman, now what."   
  
"Oh for god's sake PICK IT UP MORON!"   
  
"I'm holding it right now!"   
  
"NO! NO! pick up THAT part of the phone. THAT part."   
  
Vegeta growled angrily, but picked up the phone. "What!" he shouted politely.   
  
**"GIVE THE PHONE TO BULMA BRIEFS RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!"**   
  
Bulma gasped, _Oh no, not now, NOT NOW!_ Vegeta staggered back in shock, then roared, "How DARE you order ME around, devil-mate of Kakarot!"   
  
**"IF YOU DON'T GIVE HER THE PHONE RIGHT NOW, YOU'LL WISH YOU'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!"**   
  
Vegeta threw the phone at bulma and stomped back to the training room, cursing savagely. (Oh, you'll grow to HATE that word.) Bulma squeaked into the phone, "h-hi Chichi. H-how ar------"   
  
"Bulma, I just got an e-mail from someone named 'Acyla'. Gohan is at your house, right?"   
  
Bulma was slightly taken back by the calmness of chichi's voice. "Uh...wel...."   
  
"Oh he is. I've heard a disturbing rumor about experiments and such. And something about, 'Literary Pornography'. But you wouldn't show him that now would you? *Bulma visibly sweatdropping* Gohan is over 1 hour late for his studying, and IF HE DOESN'T GET HERE IN 10 MINUTES, I'LL WRING YOUR HEAD OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
"But..."   
  
SLAM!!!   
  
The line cut off, and Bulma sat there, shaking. What was she going to do?   
  


* * *

  
The noise in the room was awful.   
  
Gohan and dot moved through the black room, which eminated nothing but strange squelching sounds. Another author ran up to them.   
  
"PLEASE!" Bura yelled, "Help me, help me out of here! This place is horrible, I've been trauamatized for life. Oh, the pain the horror......." The author curled up into a ball, rocking back and forth.   
  
"It's....over that way, the exit."   
  
"THANK YOU SIR!!!!!! I'm FREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" The author ran off, crying in happiness. Gohan was quite scared by now. "Kami...if the authors are scared of this place......how bad is it?"   
  
Dot looked at Gohan in pity. "Oh dear, I fear this may be your hardest trial yet." THey walked into a similarly gothic room, which had a blank computer screen on it.   
  
Gohan steeled himself. "So what IS a lemon anyway."   
  
"A lemon is a (usually, god forbid it be long) short fiction about a completely random love scene between two characters, where the actualy screwing is described in a disgusting amount of detail."   
  
"Screwing?" Gohan asked innocently.   
  
"Oh dear.....well, you'll figure it out soon enough. let's start off with a subject your familiar with. Here's a Bulma/Vegeta fic."   
  
THe metallic voice bleated out. "Afternoon Alone: by L.A. Whitfield. Rating: NC-17. Summary: It's short, but it's good. I've written a G/CC lemon, and now, because so many have requested it, my first B/V Lemon."   
  
_At least it'll be short._ "Well, let's get this over with." Gohan sighed, and sat down.   
  
The scene started in the kitchen, and Bulma was being bothered by a seven-year old trunks. A surprisingly funny scene with Vegeta and tomato sauce (I'll let you wonder) started off the fic. Gohan sighed and put his hands behind his head. Maybe this won't be too bad, this seems more like normal humor. But what did this have to do with screws?   
  
Trunks left, and suddenly, Vegeta crept up and started nibbling on Bulma's ear, which Gohan thought WAS kinda screwy. "Tonight, woman, after the brat's gone, it'll just be you and me." Sauce started splatering everywhere, and the two settled in a long, obscenely described kiss, and Vegeta picked Bulma up and threw her on the bed.   
  
Gohan turned away, disgusted. "More of this? There's not even a plot this time!"   
  
The voice blurted out again, "Do you verify that you are 17?"   
  
Gohan looked at dot, "Would it know if I was lying?"   
  
"No."   
  
"Then what's the point of a message like that on the stories?"   
  
"None."   
  
"Ok." Gohan made possibly the worst decision of his life. "Yeah, I'm 17."   
  
The next 5 minutes were REALLY unpleasant for the boy. A head lock prevented him from turning his head, so he ended up learning more about female and male anatomy then he EVER wanted to, even as a scholar. Fortunately, it was over fairly quickly.   
  
Gohan was dead white, and gratefully turned his head from the final frozen scene (It's too graphic for our younger readers). "It's over?......What kind of a story was that? That wasn't even a story! What kind of sick people read this stuff?"   
  
Dot chuckled a little, "You'd be surprised. Besides, this is one of the best ones. (It had humor) You know how much worse they can get?"   
  
Gohan thought for a second, "You know....in my world, people read this, they don't watch it. Why are people excited by stuff like this? Isn't that more of a visual sort of thing? What's so great about READING about it?"   
  
Dot shrugged, "I dunno, people are very strange. Well, you want to see one of your parents?"   
  
Gohan gasped, horrible images flitting through his mind. "NO! DEAR KAMI NO!" (Of course he didn't want to, try visualizing your OWN parents frolicing *shudders*)   
  
"Alright, how about "Taste of Blood", by Larania?" (That is the real name, yes.)   
  
Gohan choked on that one, "Maybe not, let's skip."   
  
"Well.....I guess you'll see it anyway, so I'll have to show one about you."   
  
"WHAT?!?!?! ABOUT ME?"   
  
"Yes. Here we go."   
  
"Gohan and Lime: by Trunks Rating: NC-17 Summary: A story that fills the gap about how Gohan lost his Virginity right before the Cell Games. It's a lemon, and it's my tribute to one of the most unrecognized characters of DBZ....Lime."   
  
Gohan broke through the arm bonds and clenched his fists in absolute disbelief. "Are they JOKING? I never lost my virginity! What is he talking about?......TRUNKS!?!?!"   
  
"No, it's just someone using his name, it's not the real guy, believe me."   
  
Gohan gulped, "Is-is someone using mine?"   
  
"Oh yes." (*grins at Son Gohan...the author I mean....never mind.)   
  
"uh.....this isn't going to be like the last story, right. You know, Lime being eight and all, and not having a whole lot of fully developed anatomy, it seems kinda stu-"   
  
"hush, it's starting."   
  
Gohan watched in alarm as the story unfolded. He saw himself sitting under the familiar tree, with the cute little girl Lime as company. She was eight, but she looked different. They were talking about the cell games, and it seemed actually kinda sweet.   
  
Then, completely out of nowhere, Gohan (on screen) blurted out, "I don't wanna die a virgin....oops, sorry." (he didn't sound sorry)   
  
"I have never, ever, EVER said that." Gohan said, slightly dissapointed. It almost looked like it would be a normal fiction, for a little while.   
  
Lime, suddenly looking very....slutty....moved over "I don't want to die a virgin either, let's go. Right here, right now."   
  
On screen, Gohan stammered, half-heartedly, "We're underaged! This would make the story very strange and disturbing!"   
  
"So?" (Ok, it wasn't EXACTLY like that, but it was pretty damn close.)   
  
They ran over, and, well, need I describe it in greater detail? Gohan got angrier and angrier as he saw himself say and do things to a girl that he would NEVER, EVER do in his entire life. What made it harder to watch than ever was the author's unholy fascination with bodily liquids. (You have absolutely no idea at all. Pleasant chapter, isn't it?)   
  
Finally, after a few minutes, Lime handed Gohan some pink underware, and the story ended.   
  
"GHHGCHH! ARGHCH!!!!" Gohan growled and snarled, trying to break free of the seat, which was trying weakly to hold him back. "How DARE they do that to Lime and me! HOW!---WHY!--" With a yell, he broke free, and in a flash, took Dot by a corner. "Why do you let this.....utter, disgusting porn find its way into OUR lives! For all I know, they could be doing gay pron between Freeza and Zarbon! Isn't that ridiculous! Or stuff between Tien and Chaouzu! Or...."   
  
"*choke* Ok, ok, we'll skip the last....."   
  
But Gohan's attention had shifted, and dot fell to the ground. "What is that?"   
  
A fic simply titled, "Piccolo's little lover" lay on the screen. There was no summary. "What is that?"   
  
Dot inverted colors and went dead white, "No, don't click on that, for god's sake don't click on that! It'll be the end of us all!"   
  
But Gohan's curiousty pulled him over, and he took the mouse and clicked on it. He watched, horror slowly dawning on his face as he realized what was about to happen.....   


* * *

  
Steven Savage, the sav....cruel master of FF.NET, grabbed, a poor, innocent writer by the nexk, whose name happened to be Dyani. "Did a boy in an orange gi and a physically impossible floating dot pass by?"   
  
"P-please let go mr. savage! I have to warn Paladone of Acyla's attempt on his life before it's too late! I'm gathering a group of loyal authors who demanded repeatedly to be placed in this fiction!"   
  
"ANSWER ME!" he roared.   
  
"Y-yes he did! He went into the romance section, please let me go! You'll never figure out how the story ends!"   
  
"Fine." He dropped her unceremoniously onto the floor, and she ran off, searching for the calm, princely author we all know and love. The mean brute (I DIDN'T SAY SAVAGE!) rushed to the romance hallway, eager to capture the ellusive character at last.....   
  
Somewhere off in the distance, Acyla laughed, closing in on her prey, who was currently writing his quiet, happy, good-willed little stories.   
  


* * *

  
The setting was in the desert then, only this time a slightly older Gohan (think 15) was training harshly with Piccolo. Both were covered with sweat, and were grinning. _But I never enjoyed sparring that much!_   
  
"Gohan, baby, let's relax." Piccolo said, throwing off his cape and ripping off his shirt. (This is, of course, very subtle and useful.)   
  
"Certainly Piccolo," Gohan said staring at the namek's chest. "You konw, I'm still a little sad that all my friends and family died just so I could be alone with you in a completely unlikely situation, but I'm getting used to it."   
  
Gohan tried to suppress the wild urge to scream, but anger management was never his thing.   
  
"Yeah, me too kid. Of course, I've only really loved you, so why should that matter anyway?"   
  
"It doesn't, all I really need is you."   
  
"Well kid.....you know.......I've never...." The two moved close and closer together, the author obviously trying to build up 'suspense'.   
  
Steve slammed opened the door in a blaze of triumph, honing in on his prey.   
  
**_"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"_** Gohan went ssj2 and simply blasted the room with his ki. Savage, taken off gaurd, was thrown far, far off into the distance.   
  
Gohan, roaring in rage, started blasting everything that moved, or didn't move. "HOW DARE THEY! PICCOLO....ME....NO!! THESE PEOPLE ARE SICK!!!! SICK!!!!!!!!"   
  
The room reduced to ashes, Gohan honed in on poor dot. As if it fell from the hands of kami itself, fortunately, a rock hit Gohan square on the head, and destroying everything pshycologists and doctors hold dear for the sake of this story and of gohan's sanity, instantly erased all the pornography he had just seen out of his mind, making him innocent once again. (whew, run-on sentence city) "huh?......what......?"   
  
Dot shuffled back, "Uh.....well....let's just skip the NC-17 section for now."   
  
Gohan frowned, "You sure?"   
  
"Oh yes, absolutely."   
  
"Ok, where to next?"   
  
Dot turned stern, and a little edge came into his voice. "The horror section. Be careful, it's ruled over by the tyrant Ash the wanderer, who, of course, has no relation with Ash Ketchum from Pokemon (I warned you Ash. Don't say I didn't warn you. I'm gonna have FUN with your character. *Evil laugh*)   
  
"Um.....who's Ash Ketchum? What's a Pokemon?"   
  
".....never...mind. Let's just go."   
  


* * *

  
Steve Savage, the strongest man on the net, lay gasping for breath in some strange section. He cursed, "So close, I was so close! What WAS that that hit me?"   
  
He turned over on his side, and looked right into the dim eyes of a strange animal.   
  
"Pika?"   
  
_To be continued....._

* * *

  
  
Will Steve find his way out of Poke-world and hunt down Gohan? Will Dyani find a group and save Paladone before it's too late? WIll Gohan make it through the horror section wihtout blasting Ash to HFIL? (Probably not.) Stay tuned! 


	7. The Horror Section

Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ, Fanfiction.net, or any of the authors.....except Ash.   
  
Notes: First, you all notice that poor Felp is no longer with us? Interesting, to say the least, I wonder why they took him down? On to ranting. Ok, this'll be a longer one, I want to respond to some reviews and point out some things. First off, I love Ashy boy (not that way you sick pervs, we're past the romance chapter) and his fics (though they make me queasy. No, if you haven;t read them, think Stephen King, or maybe a toned down Silence of the Lambs.) so I'm not trying to insult him. HE (hopefully) knows this is all a big joke, so it doesn't matter. But I do pick on him a lot. Oh yes, possible more than Acyla.....ok maybe not. Now, the author's I KNOW I'll put in are A) Ladydarkness, because she's been real patient and I haven't given her any time yet. B)Gohan Hugger, because she thought I was a girl. C) Maddog, also because he thought I was a girl, D) Jevena, because she's told me quite subtly *cough* that she wants in. E) Dyani, because she's my most faithful reader. F)SSJ4, because....I feel like it, G) Vegita's little Girl, just because she's so damn cute at her little altar, and H) Chelsee, because she's my favorite writer. (If you like Gohan, and haven't read Contradicting Mission, kiss your family goodbye and go read it, right now.) Yeah, I'm prejudiced, so what, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Anyway, that's the list I've accumulated, but if I've missed anybody, please E-MAIL me at Dieffenb@Prodigy.net. I know this is going to sound ego-tistical, but I do get a good number of reviews, and when I skim through them, I might miss someone's request. Anyway, on to the chapter, (*audience audibly snoring* WAKE UP!) This is the horror section, but I'm not really going to describe it, since most of the horror is kinda-sorta violent. Now, Ash calls his stories by different categories (Consuming Madness is an Action-Adventure), but since most of the fics I'm focusing on are super-violent and scary (I had to read all of it), I'm dubbing them horror. On to the story......   
  


# Gohan's Journey: The Horror Section

  
  
  
"Get away from me, you....Whatever!"   
  
"Pika?....PIKAPIKAPIKAPIKACHUUuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!"   
  
Steve grimaced as he continued strutting through the poorly-drawn forest. That.....thing had been following him for a good while now, and he was getting VERY tired of it. "PIKA PI--KA PIKA... PI-KA PIiii....PIKA! PIKA-CHU!!!!!!!! PIkaaaaa! Pikachu!"   
  
"WILL you shut UP!"   
  
"PIIIIKA!"   
  
"SQUIRTLE!" (Doing research on this subject, by the way, was more painful than reading the Gohan-Lime fic. Much more.)   
  
_Oh no, another one?._ Pikachu suddenly went demonic, and the background swirled. **"PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**   
  
A tiny, poorly animated bolt of lightning hit the turtle and did absolutely nothing. "Squirt?" Then, true to the nature of the show, they become great friends and love eachother, and started following Steve again. Then out of completely nowhere, two complete idiots dressed in white outfits with R's on the back stroll into the scene _Could this possible get any wierder?_   
  
"Jessie!"   
  
"James!"   
  
"Meowth! Give us that Pikachu!" (Uhuh. Yup. It's a talkng cat. So innovative.)   
  
"Oh shut the hell up, I'm not one of your-"   
  
"We want that Pikachu, even though it horribly electrocutes us every episode we try, or one of it's new-found friens saves it!"   
  
"Then have it!"   
  
Pikachu sits down and patiently gets captured, but the squirtle suddenly gets newfound strength, and 'Water Gun's' them all into the distance. Everything's happy now, right?   
  
A weird boy with a decidedly girlish voice jumps in. "The moral of this story is that it's important to treat your POKE'MON with care. When you do, POKE'MON will love you back, even though their entire lives consist of sitting around waiting to fight other POKE'MON to the finish, which is technically the worst kind of animal cruelty. Good thing I'm such a role model for kids everwhere, being an egotistical, moron who makes his pets fight, after all."   
  
The boy leaped high into the air. "I, ASH KETCHUM, AM GONNA BE THE BEST TRAINER EVER, EVEN THOUGH MY ARCH-RIVAL GARY BEATS MY ASS DOWN EVERY WEEK!!!!! Now, I'm going to stuff the POKE'MON into cold balls about the size of my hand, and let them sit there like the evil POKE'MON torturer I am. Then, I'll go get my POKE'MONS' asses kicked by strange trainers that are much better than I am, then have my Pikachu blast everything at the last minute wuth the same attack over and over again. Then I'll give myself ALL THE CREDIT! MWHAHAHAHA!!!" (If anyone says POKE'MON to me again, there's gonna be trouble.)   
  
Pikachu and Squirtle both try to run away, but Ash (Ketchum, not the wanderer, I'll get to that later) zaps them in, and runs away, laughing. A brown haired boy (BROCK) and a red-headed girl (MISTY) follow behind him. "God I hate him. " Brock mutters. "I could beat him everwhere with my big, biologically impossible rock-snake, but I have to be his friend because he beat me by accident."   
  
Misty snorted. "At least you have something. All I have are two starfish that in the real world couldn't eat because they don't have a mouth, and a 'Psyduck' that's about as useful as a dead horsey." (ha ha, get it? Horse, horsey. Ha ha. Ok.) They walked away, muttering to themselves.   
  
Steve stared after them. _That was completely random, and had nothing whatsoever to do with the story......._   
  


* * *

  
"Hold on a second, Gohan, do you want to stop at the poetry section real quick?"   
  
Gohan thought hard. "It can't be that bad, how big is it?"   
  
Dot chuckled. "It's not very large, so you won't have to see too much."   
  
"All right. I need a break anyway." And he did. After the insanity and pointlessness of the Humor section, and the wishy-washy corniness of the Romance section (he still doesn't remember the NC-17 section), he really needed a break.   
  
The room they walked into was quite small, and aside from a few people writing song-fics, there was basically no one there. They walked up to the familiar computer screen, and sat down. "Well now, let's see here. 'Ode to Perfect Ce---'never mind."   
  
Gohan's eyes flashed, "What was that?"   
  
"I..I don't like that one, let's skip it. Uh....here we go."   
  
The voice blurted out. "Bulma's luv poem: by ******* Rating: PG. Summary: well, ths is mie furst poem guys, hope u liek it! It tuk me 2 hours!"   
  
Gohan groaned, "Oh, come on, I don't want ANOTHER one!"   
  
Dot chuckled again, "Don't worry, it's pretty short."   
  
Bulma walked on to a stage. "Hi everybody! This is for my cute little prince."   
  
"Roses are red,   
Violet's are blue,   
I want to start screwing you,   
Hard and True." (*Audience roars in applause* Thank you, thank you. Bask in the glory of my poetry skills.)   
  
The fic ended. Gohan was confused, "Huh? That was really strange and made no sense!....Screwing?"   
  
Dot recoiled, "Never mind, uh, do you want to see another one?"   
  
Gohan shook his head. "No thanks. I suppose we should go on to the horror section."   
  
Dot sighed. "Alright. Be prepared though, it'll test your anger again."   
  
"Aw kami, what is it this time. Will someone insult Otousan again?"   
  
"....no. There's someone ruling over the section, a cruel and iron-fisted author who seized control of the area."   
  
Gohan sighed. If it wasn't raving lunatic writers, it was tyranical leaders. "Can I go home after this is all over?"   
  
Dot did not reply, but set off towards an impeding castle that had appeared from nowhere. "HALT!"   
  
Gohan looked up. An author by the name of Maddog was dressed up in a ridiculous suit of armor. "You are not allowed to pass! This is the territory of his Majesty, Ash the Wanderer! Only Pokemon trainers or people of......"   
  
Gohan growled, "I've had enough of this." He created a small ki shot and blasted it up to Maddog. "And therefore, only by consent of hi---GAAAAAAAAaaaa..hh....." Maddog was engulfed in fire, and blasted off the wall, and fell to the ground 15 feet below with a loud clatter. Then Gohan walked up to the gate and literally kicked it down, and it fell down on top of the author. Dot gasped, "You're supposed to go through the procedure first! You'll get us in all sorts of trouble."   
  
Gohan sighed, "I'm sorry, it's just so irritating the way people treat eachother around here. Let's go."   
  
They walked over the broken gate, ignoring Maddog's groans of pain. "I'm not dead, I'm just very badly burned! (see austin powers.)"   
  
They walked up to a regal palace, and moved on to the throne room.   
  
Sitting on top of a throne encased in gold was a man with spiky black hair, dressed all in black. His face turned outraged, "Who let these two into the glory of my presence!"   
  
Dot spoke politely, "Sir, I'm the guide of this realm, Dot, and my geust here is Son Gohan, the son of Son Goku. (Lots of sons.)"   
  
Gohan bowed politely, "Hi."   
  
Ash scoffed, "Oh yes, the saiyajin half-breed. You know in real life you can't exist right? I wrote an essay that dove deep into that subject, and explained things about sex that most normal males shouldn't know."   
  
Gohan was stunned, "Are you implying that I don't exist?"   
  
"Yes, but that's ok. Allow me to fully introduce myself, I am ASH THE WANDERER (booming voice), the greates---I mean a normal, hard-working author just trying to do his best. Allow me to show you my profile."   
  
The now-all-too-familiar-and-getting-annoying-voice blurted out, "Some have called me the greatest author they have ever read, I'll leave that up to you to decide."   
  
The perfectionist inside him coming out, Gohan noted, "You can't read an author, but...."   
  
"Some of my more famous works include 'Consuming Madness' 'Bloodthirst' 'Seven Deadly Sins' and 'Atrocities'"   
  
"Pleasant sounding stories," Gohan muttered. The door opened again with a boom, and a young Pokemon trainer, dressed like all young pokemon trainers (wierd hat, tight jeans, and a vest) walked in. "I challenge you to a POKEMON MATCH! (voice echoes across the room in ridiculously dramatic fashion)   
  
Ash stood up, smirking, "Challenge accepted."   
  
As the two moved to the center of the room, Gohan whipsered to dot, "Pokemon match? What's that?"   
  
Dot spoke quietly, "Another world, much like yours, exists in this realm. Pokemon are animals that trainers capture. These animals end up fighting eachother until one passes out."   
  
Gohan gasped, "That's HORRIBLE!!!"   
  
"Yes, and what ash is about to do is probably more so."   
  
Background swirls dramatically, "Jigglypuff, Machoke, GOOOOO!!!!!" The trainer threw the strange balls. One opened to reveal a small, pink puff with huge eyes and a tiny mouth. "JIGGLYPUFF!" _JIgglypuff, what kind of a name is that?_ The other ball revealed a huge, muscular creature that had muscles so big that they were ripping through the skin (*audience thinks Paladone is exagerating again* No, I'm serious, look a picture of it up, it's really, really nasty.) "MACHOKE!"   
  
Ash threw his balls, (that....sounded....wrong) "Agony, Scuba Steve, GO!"   
  
From one ball a small action figure popped out, and fell to the ground with a clatter. _???_ (A/M Scuba Steve was the toy of choice for Adam Sandler's 'son' in Big Daddy.)   
  
From the other came a demon-woman straight out of hell, and it proceeded, without warning, to tear up Jigglypuff and Machoke ala Consuming Madness style (I will NOT go into greater detail, this will stay pg-13). The young trainer fled, and Agony ran back up to Ash, purring. Ash just sat down as if finishing breakfast.   
  
Gohan ran over to the window and retched, right on top of Maddog, who was slowly trying to get up. "W-what is that horrible monster!"   
  
Ash smiled fondly at Agony, who was grinning evilly at Gohan. "This is my best creation, the one that got me into power. She's actually quite affectionate, and she kills things for me, don't you dearie." He reached over to get scuba steve, "And this is my favorite toy, aren't you Stevey."   
  
Gohan reasoned by now that Ash was quite mad. "Are there any other authors in this section?"   
  
Ash growled, "Not if I can help it. Those fools couldn't write a good horror story if their lives depended on it (which is probably true.) Anyway, let's go on into the viewing room. Agony, scuba steve, return!" They returned to their little POKE'balls, and they walked on. Gohan and Dot walked some distance behind.   
  
Gohan shuddered, "He's insane, ins't he."   
  
DOt replied, "Yeah, but that doesn't really matter around here, as you've probably noticed. He had quite the journey to the 'throne.' BAsically, after an interesting story only minorly related to DBZ, and a couple humorous tidbits, he started writing horror stories. He wrote consuming madness, which he'll show you soon. AFter that, he rose to power over other horror writers, and the ash wars started."   
  
"Ash wars? Huh?"   
  
They entered a strange staircase that spiraled downward. Dot continued, "Yeah. Basically, pricks with nothing better to do than bitch and moan started piling flames on all of Ash's stuff, his personality, the way he dresses, and even his mother's dental habits, because they generally couldn't write stories themselves worth a damn, and were annoyed that other people could. They even devoted fics to maiming and torturing him." (Aren't you all impressed with the amount of research I did? No? *grumble*)   
  
"Why is he getting so much attention?"   
  
"Probably because he bothered your author so much that if he didn't put Ash in, he'd have gone stark raving mad."   
  
"....oh...ok." Gohan had by now given up understanding what dot meant by that.   
  
Maddog came tumbling down the stairs, soiled and smelling like...never mind. He tripped mid-way down, and fell to the ground with a crash. Ash chuckled, "Hey watch it, this is a NO-FLY ZONE! HAHAHAHAHAHA...hahah...uh...let's keep going." (see Atrocities)   
  
They finally entered a rank-smelling computer room, where strange knives and torture equipment lined the walls. _Acyla would love this place._ Ash fired up the computer, and after the usual bleating, the story started.   
  


* * *

  
Dyani ran through the halls of the complex DBZ section. _Where IS he? He's always in the humor section, working on that strange and mysterious fiction of his, and now he's gone!_ While she thought about Paladone, that kind, quiet, non-insinuating author, she ran smack into the ONE known as Jevena. (In your next review, tell me if your male or female, it'll make things easier.)   
  
"Oh, excuse me, I'm sorry."   
  
Jevena jumped up and down. "Oh that's ok, that's ok, I'm just looking for Paladone so he can put me in his fiction. HAve you seen him anywhere? I really really really reall-"   
  
"Um, I'm looking for him, could you help me? He's supposed to be in the humor section, but last I heard he left to the....DEAR GOD!"   
  
Jevena was left speechless. The entire humor section was completely destroyed, and even the untouched section was now being torn apart by Acyla. "WHERE IS HE! He's SUPPOSED TO BE HERE! How am I going to try out the new things I learned if I can't find him!"   
  
Dyani crouched behind a rock, "Acyla's trying to kill/torture/hurt/destroy/mutilate Paladone, and I'm trying to stop her, so he can finally get a move-on in the Earthling Saga."   
  
Jevene looked confused, "Huh, what was that, cause you know I didn't understand you and when I don't-"   
  
"Never mind. Come on, let's move on to the horror section, he avoids romances like the plague, or at least after he was forever traumatized by the Lemon section."   
  
The two authors crept away, while Acyla started breaking things with rocks.   
  


* * *

  
Gohan had no trouble with the premise, or the story, or the new characters, depsite the fact that Erik was named after the Author himself (Erik Mansereau, or however you spell that name).   
  
It was when Agony started killing people as violently as possible, ripping them in half, smashing their legs, tearing them to peices, eating their heart, that sort of thing was just a tad harder for him to stomach. He constantly fought down rushes of extreme queasiness. Almost everyone he had ever known, and some he didn't, died terribly.   
  
About half-way through, Gohan couldn't keep his mouth shut. "This is absolutely HORRIBLE! Why the hell do you take so much joy in death scenes? It's perverted!"   
  
Ash laughed, "I dunno, I've never had any trouble with it. People like this kinda stuff, it's different."   
  
Gohan gagged, "How on earth do people enjoy this sort of stuff?!"   
  
Ash shrugged, "Who cares, it's good for 'business'."   
  
Gohan saw a somewhat older version of himself carrying out a good plan, only to have it fail miserably. Gohan's eyes widened in absolute horror as he saw himself get mauled. (Once again, I'm leaving out all SORTS of nasty details for the kiddies.) Finally, Agony died a very unsatisfying death, especially since she enjoyed it and all. Finally, Erik goes back to his 'dimension' and the story ended.   
  
The boy sat there, shaking uncontrollably. "I...can't believe...you put my family...and friends....through that."   
  
Ash backed away a little, "Now now, you know I'm a sucker for a happy ending, even though the last line mentioned a laugh of Consuming Madness by an evil demoness that refuses to die."   
  
"Well....at least there aren't any more of THOSE. I'm getting out of here, this place is beginning to sicken me, literally."   
  
Ash popped up brightly, "Oh, but I'm making a sequel! It's where I have an evil scientist capture your dad and make him slaughter and destroy everyone! ^_^"   
  
".........what." Gohan said flatly.   
  
"A sequel, except I added in humor....uh...yeah HUMOR! Um....are you ok?"   
  
Gohan slowly got up from the chair, and advanced on the Wanderer, who was backing away, trying to reach his Poke'balls, which were, unfortunately, on the other side of the room.....   
  


* * *

  
Bulma finished reading the story in absolute horror. "V-vegeta....I think you should read this......"   
  
VEgeta stomped into the room, still grumpy about the whole phone incident. As surprisingly intelligent as he was, or the fact that he couldn't read very well, and skipped many paragraphs altogether, he finished reading the story in under 15 minutes. "This baka made me out to be a 'sensitive' crying little.......BAKA! How dare he!"   
  
Bulma stared at Vegeta, "You mean you're not upset that your son was killed! THAT I WENT INSANE!!!!! *voice screeches to octaves unheard of ever before* WHY YOU!!-"   
  
Vegeta saw his deadly mistake a little too late, "Now, wo..I mean Bulma, uh, I was joking, joking, no this is real hor-"   
  
"NO 'MATING' FOR A WEEK!!!!!"   
  
Vegeta sulked off. "Ah....kuso. If you need me, I'll be breaking things." He stomped back out, dragging the tattered remains of his pride behind him.   
  
Bulma turned back to her work. She was obviously closing in on Gohan, but she always seemed to be missing something. As she read over the reviews, all of which said the same thing, everything suddenly started _CRACKING_ and jumping around, and she could have sworn she had heard yells of pain. Then the site crashed again. "Dammit! Why does everything keep crashing? And why can't I review or post? They do this just to torture me!"   
  


* * *

  
Gohan and dot walked away from the ruins of the palace. Dot was shaking, but Gohan had a self-satisfied little smirk on his face. "Don't you think you were a bit harsh back there?" Dot asked   
  
"Aw, I only destroyed the building. I didn't hurt him THAT much....well....."   
  
"But the business with the legs..." Dot winced, "I couldn't even watch! Amd then swinging him around with that rope."   
  
Gohan smiled innocently at dot, "Just making sure he doesn't write those kinds of stories too often. Well.....ok, maybe I went a bit too far with those self-heated hot irons. But hey, I left him next to Maddog, so they can keep eachother company, right? THat was pretty nice of me, huh?"   
  
Dot shuddred, "Right, whatever you say."   
  
"Ok, what's next."   
  
"Well, we gotta swing by the General and Mystery sections, then the discussion board."   
  
"Let's go then."   
  
  
_To be continued...._

* * *

  
The final plot is set in motion. Will Steve Savage stop Gohan before he can make his way home? Will Acyla find Paladone and tear him into miniscule little peices? Or will Dyani and Jevena find him first? Will Ash the Wanderer ever walk again? Stay tuned! Oh yes, by the way, I spent a good deal of time looking up the Pokemon stuff, and if I ever have to do it again, I think I'll kill myself. If you honestly thought the DBZ dub was bad, you ain't seen NOTHING. If I here Ash say "I'm gonna WIN!" one more time, somebody in the story's gonna get hurt...oh wait, nevermind..... Oh yes, and has anyone else had trouble reviewing and/or posting on the message board? It's driving me absolutely insane. Anyway, R/R! ^_^ 


	8. The Mystery Section

Disclaimer: Read last 7 chapters, and keep the lawyers away.   
  
Notes: Ok, REAL sorry for the delay, I've just been so busy with work lately, it's insane. I still have another week before the heaven that is Spring Break. Well, Maddog too has declared war on me, so more fun stuff'll happen to him as well. Ok, last time, I'm putting in Majin Vegeta, Mistress Storm Crow (she used her woman's 'Arsenal' on me), and Veggiechick, becasue of her sad, puppy dog eyes. that's it for actually being IN the story. It's too much now, there're too many people wanting to be in the fiction, so I can't accept any more offers to be a direct character in the fic. The final list is set. HOWEVER, I STILL accept possibilities for fictions, so feel free to submit those. But I can't insert any more people, it's just getting too hard. On to the chapter. This one in particular was a doozy, just because most of the MYstery fics actually aren't too bad. I had to find lousy and/or strange ones. Oh yes, and I'm NOT going to insert the current Gohan Love Wars from the message board directly, probably because by the time I actually GET to the discussion board, it'll be over. Acyla's proabably going to take up THAT challenge, since I'm too lazy. Well, on to the fun....   
  


# Gohan's Journey: Mystery and Mayhem

  
  
  
Ash groaned as he tried to sit up. "This sucks more ass than a team of ass-sucking ass suckers! (???)"   
  
THe humourus yet EXTREMELY painful things Gohan had done to him (and maddog, just for the fun of it) were bad enough, but he was gagged and tied up, like an AVERAGE author! ARGH! Worse yet, he was being treated like other authors were by Fido, and couldn't call for help!   
  
Maddog didn't help either. Not only did he constantly complain, the rotten stench that originated from Gohan's stomach made the room stink to high heaven. Finally, he didn't know where his precious Pokeballs were, and he couldn't LIVE without his balls! (rimshot)   
  
Ash snarled. If it was the very last thing he would do in his reign, he would catch up with that nosy Dot and beat it senselessly with Scuba Steve. And EVERYONE is afraid of Scuba steve. (*snicker*) He started to struggle with his bonds, wanting to get free, but couldn't.   
  
Maddog groaned, "Why am I subject to such pain? Why does the author pick on ME so much? It's not.."   
  
Ash kicked out and accidentally hit Maddog on the side of the head, knocking him anime-style to the ground. He fell over with a clatter, and the table fell on top of him. And THERE! A POKEBALL ROLLED RIGHT NEXT TO HIM!!!   
  
_Come on, now. Come on!_ Ash stretched with all of his might to touch the ball, and release Agony, who could free him. with her mad CMRAS (Consuming Madness Riping Apart Skillz) With a yell of triumph, the ball opened up.   
  
  
And Scuba Steve fell to the ground with nary a sound. Ash bowed his head and started to cry. (Like I said, I warned you. *evil Vegeta-quality smirk*)   
  


* * *

  
Dyani and Jev**a**na crept through the Romance section, hitting the ruined remains of the NC-17. Jevana could simply not stop talking. "Oh I just LOOOOVE Gohan, oh he's just so cute and stuff, *growls* he's MINE. not POLICE AGENT 005's, but MINE! MINE MINE MINE MINE........ "   
  
Dyani resisted the urge to hit her, and kept on moving. Rumors of a war had started between the Gohan lovers, which had been further complicated by a war with Videl Lovers, of which that kick-ass author Paladone was in charge. While thinking, and without warning, two authors ran right into them. One was the girl with a spiky haircut, Vegeta's Little Girl. The other was a muscular looking woman with a pink SSJ4 teeshirt. (hint hint, the author's name is SSJ4) VGL piped up,"Oh, excuse us, have you seen a quiet, handsome, incredibly cool (ok fine BE THAT WAY)...have you seen the author Paladone? He TOLD us that we could help him with his fiction, but he dissapeared somewhere."   
  
Jevana popped up again, "Oh that's ok, we're looking for him too, we're warning him about an mental insane psychopathic person called Acylat, or Atyla the Hun, or something like that, and she wants to roast him over a spit...."   
  
SSJ4 mused for a second, "So SHE'S the one putting up the reward posters. I wondered where those came from. Well, we have to find him, so we'll join your group. K?"   
  
Dyani shrugged, "Ok, sure! But where's the hilarious joke that's supposed to go with this dialogue?"   
  
"Who knows, maybe the author is tired. Let's head out of here-"   
  
All of a sudden, computer screens popped open from everywhere, and a strange fiction started to play.....   
  


* * *

  
Gohan nearly bowled over as a screen opened right in front of him and dot, titled "Gohan's Journey: Acyla's Revenge". "What the?"   
  
Dot shook it's...oh yeah, it doesn't have a head. "Acyla's trying to raise propoganda against Paladone, becasue she can't find him. I'm geussing this fiction won't exactly be complimentary."   
  
Strangely, as the story unfolded, Gohan had a hard time making out the picture, it was very fuzzy. "Is FF.NET acting up again? What's going on with this?"   
  
Dot laughed, "Atyla the Hun (I LIKE that one), in her haste to strike at Paladone, chose a font that's incredibly hard to read. Probably some small, italicized handwriting font. How foolish!"   
  
The good boy decided to ignore all the insulting references about the good author's money, hygene, tempermant, and the fact that he's belittled in almost everyway possible, becasue HE knew it was wrong. However, Gohan gasped as he saw a virtual copy of himself, and dot, trudging near a Pandora's Box that was the discussion board, "Is-is that US? What's going on here? I'm not part of a fiction!"   
  
The computer panels slid back into the wall, "....um...let's keep moving to the mystery section."   
  
Gohan stopped, "NO, I want to leave a review to tell this evil Atyla th...Acyla person to quit picking on the world's nicest....who keeps putting these words in my mouth?"   
  
"Dunno."   
  
"Anyway, I'm leaving a review." Gohan walked over to a keyboard and typed in his review. But when he tried to send it, a mechanical buldog jumped from nowhere.   
  
"WOOF! WOOF! Trying to review a story twice!" The dog jumped on top of the saiyajin and pushed him back into dot. "What the?"   
  
Dot looked at the snarling dog in distaste, "Oh that's Fido, the watchdog. He's supposed to keep people from reviewing a story more than twice. Of course, no one really understands why having a 'watchdog' joke is funny, but hey, these ARE the people that decided to put in a completely pointless word count for stories. "   
  
"But I've never reviewed this story before! I've never reviewed ANYTHING before, for kami's sake!" *Fido is frothing at the mouth, and angrily chasing its own tail*   
  
"Hey, don't look at me, I dunno how the hosts programmed him."   
  
Gohan had the sudden, completely out of character urge to send Fido to the 'next dimension', which of course, this author had no control whatsoever over. "BEGONE!!!!!!" Gohan threw a huge blast of ki at Fido, and the evil cyborg dog disintegrated. A beam of sunlight shown down on the boy, and all was at peace. And Dende (Kami) smiled upon the event and said, "All is well now." And then angel choruses sang from the heavens, and all authors over the net cried **_"HALELEUJHA!!!"_**   
  
  
  
(a/n Hey, I can dream, can't I? Ok, maybe I went a BIT far.)   
  
  
  
Gohan thought for a second, "It seems like people didn't like that dog very much, doesn't it?"   
  
DOt replied, "Yup. New religions will probably be centered around you now. (*cough*Gohan Lovers*cough*)"   
  
"Let's keep moving. Man this place is wierd sometimes."   
  


* * *

  
Steve Savage thought he had been happy when he finally left the bizzare world of Pokemon. But then....the horror. He entered the Harry Potter section. (*Audience scrams and scrambles out, trying to reach the emergency exits.* ALright, stay calm, STAY CALM! Parents, this is a good time to comfort your children and cover their ears, lest they be traumatized forever. *grumbles* All the sacrifices I make for a funny story)   
  
All the characters had been completel chagned, and many were insane. Dumbledore was turned into a frothing, raving lunatic, Hermione into a slut, Harry himself into a huge, impossibly powerful and handsome hero (He's actually a somewhat unatractive, nerdy boy), and Ron, well, I'm not going to go any further with him. Even poor Dobby (Most. Annoying. Character. Ever.) is bashed with complete OOC'ness.   
  
Proffeser Minerva Macnougal ends up having really, really nasty sex with 'Cabbage Boy,' (???) for no reason at all, and even the brute-tempered Snape ends up as a sweet, kind, generous soul who just isn't understood except for (insert mary-sue here), much like our own Vegeta. Harry and Draco Malfoy team up in another section to become druglords of London (wtf?), and, of course have male/male fun. (all sorts of funny names in these books. Of course, one of the characters in DBZ (chichi) is named after breasts so I shouldn't say anything)   
  
What Steve noticed most about the place was an obscene number of Male/male 'Slash' fictions, peculiarly between Harry and Draco, who are hated enemies. In fact, there was way too much 'tussling' in this section anyway. "This makes absolutely no sense! This is an interesting adventure book! (hey, I never said I didn't like the ORIGINAL books) These are children, for gods sake, why is there so much NC-17 stuff?" Fun action-adventures, sports games, or comedy fics were few and hard to find.   
  
An author ran past, laughing insanely, "I think I pair Draco Malfoy and Dobby! Or mayve Dumbledore and Lord Voldemort! Or, YES!, HARRY POTTER and THE OLD GUY THAT DIES AT THE BEGINNING OF BOOK #4!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!"   
  
Steve Savage cried out and ran, as fast as he could, towards the exit.   
  
(a/n You'll note I didn't make fun of the books themselves, because they're actually quite good. The first two are definetly childish, but by te 3rd book, it actually gets serious and, honestly, scary and even gory at times. But that section, dear god, it's disturbing. I'm totally serious about everything I just said above. We need to scale a mass invasion and save the poor kiddies that end up trapped there.)   
  


* * *

  
GOhan noticed when they entered the section that it was TINY. There were at most 10 desks, and hardly more htan 25 or so actual fictions. The room was deserted. "Wow, not a whole lot of stuff here."   
  
Dot laughed, "Well, it's pretty hard to make a real good mystery out of a show where guys on steroids and aliens beat the hell out of eachother (face it, it's the truth. *mob forms outside the window demanding Paladone's head*)"   
  
Gohan was confused, "Huh? What do you mean, "show". Do you think all of the fighting we've gone through is some sort of 'entertainment'?" He was a little angry at this.   
  
Dot stared at the boy uncomprehending, than realized what was going on. "Never mind, wrong word."   
  
Gohan suddenly brightened up, "Am I going to see some cool knock-offs of Detective mysteries? Or exciting and thrilling stories where we try to solve a problem??"   
  
"Er....no. Actually these are mostly fictions placed in the wrong category, or strange and bizzare stories that have only a little 'mystery'."   
  
Gohan was cast down, "aww....are there any good fictions at all on this lousy site?"   
  
"Yeah, but showing them wouldn't be as entertaining."   
  
Gohan wasn't really listening, but instead walked over to the computer and sat down. Currently, another "Vegeta's Little Girl" fiction was playing called "To tell the truth." where he saw duplicates of Kururin telling things about eachother to 'judges' who would determine which one was the real Kururin. Gohan noticed that they were all off by a mile. Marron was Kururin's girlfriend, not his mom, Kururin shaved his head becasue of his religion, and he didn't even KNOW what a "Destructo Disk" was.   
  
Dot pulled Gohan away before he could discover who it really was. "Come on, I have to show you some other fictions in this section, then we can go on to the general."   
  
"Ok."   
  
The voice started bleating again. "Geuss!!!! *Gohan falls out of his chair* by Devil's Mistress"   
  
The story opened up to a bedroom. Gohan saw two shadows together in the room, but neither were identifiable. "What are you doing here?" the man lying in bed said.   
  
"I'm here for you, don't try to resist." The woman bent down and started to unbutton the man's shirt....   
  
Gohan was completely confused. "What? Huh? Wait a minute, what's going on? What are they doing?"   
  
The story paused and the voice bleated out, "Do you verify that you are 17?"   
  
Gohan looked quizically at Dot, "Would it know if I was lying?"   
  
"Nope"   
  
"Then what's the point of a message like that."   
  
"None....oh crap WAIT DON'T!"   
  
Gohan turned and possibly made the best decision of his life. "No, I'm not 17."   
  
The screen went wavy, and he couldn't see or hear anything, to dot's utter relief. However, Gohan noticed strange looking stuff happening to the two blobs, and other wierd things involving certain liquids were somewhat visible.   
  
Finally, the screen changed and Gohan saw....himself....shoot up in bed. "F*** (Gohan cringes hearing himself saying that) this must be the 4th time! Why do I think of her like that?" On screen, he flew off to see Piccolo.   
  
Piccolo muttered, "I don't see why you're so bothered about a stupid dream. Besides, Vegeta would kill you if he heard you were having dreams about Bulma."   
  
Then the story ended.   
  
Gohan was completely and utterly confused. "What? Huh? What was the point of that? I don't get it at all! HOw was that a mystery?"   
  
Dot mumbled, "Uh, you had a dream about Bulma...you were...um...er...having...a PARTY with her. Yeah, that's it. And no one knew who you guys were until the end. Yeah, that's the...um...mystery."   
  
GOhan smiled, "Oh ok, I don't understand that last part, but party dreams are good. I thought for a second it was one of those strange sexual fictions that don't make sense again. THEN, whoo boy, I would've been mad!" He laughed.   
  
Dot looked decidedly sick, "uh..heh heh heh, yeah good thing. Um....I don't think I'll show geuss!!! part 2, between Piccolo and Dende, so let's just go on over to the General section."   
  
"General? Ok." _Hey, the faster the better._ Gohan followed the dot, suddenly wondering to himself what Bulma was doing. He realized that his mother would by now be in hysterics. _I hope Bulma can last until I get out of here._   
  


* * *

  
Bulma looked at the new story in disbelief and slight revulsion. _These people are disgusting._ AS she reached the bottom, her jaw nearly dropped. "GOHAN??? What the-?"   
  
"BULMA!!!!!!"   
  
Bulma turned around, dead white. Standing there, dragging Vegeta by an ear (who was too embarased and humiliated to realize he was stronger than her), was an enraged Chichi. "WHERE'S MY GOHAN!!!"   
  
"Uh..hehe, it's kind of a long story...."   
  
"LET GO OF ME, DEVIL SPAWN!! I SWEAR I'LL-"   
  
Chichi took out the Evil Cliched Frying Pan of Death (copyright) and smacked Vegeta on the head with it, knocking him senseless. "What is this you're reading? Is this the story my boy saw?"   
  
Bulma went purple, "WAIT, NO, THIS ISN'T-"   
  
But chichi had already finished reading it, and moved back in shock. "GOHAN READ THIS?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!!!! *voice screeches to even higher octaves* you-YOU-**YOU!**"   
  
"W-wait, that's not-!"   
  
Chichi made a lunge at Bulma with the frying pan, but Bulma ducked, and the pan smacked into Vegeta again, knocking him down a second time. With a frightened squeak, Bulma ran out into the maze that was her mansion, chichi not far behind. Vegeta roared in rage and followed.   
  


* * *

  
Steve Savage finally made his way back into the ruins of the DBZ section, and followed the path of debris all the way to the horror section. Upon the way, he recruited some helpers. Mistress Storm Crow had her useful "Woman's Arsenal," that she could unleash on any trouble at the end. (which for some reason Steve knew they would have) Majin Vegeta had brute strength, and Gohan Hugger could capture the boy with her massive BEAR HUG OF POWER. But perhaps his luckiest find was the recruitment pf Ash the Wanderer and Maddog from the cellar in the horror section. Or so he thought.   
  
Ash dusted himself off, "The indignity! How DARE they do that to me, I'm the lord of this realm!"   
  
Steve tapped his foot, "Yeah, yeah, take your 'servant' and come along. You're no different from the rest of us until you do something useful."   
  
Ash's jaw dropped, "WHAT? But I'm the King, I get privliges."   
  
"Not anymore, so obey me if you ever want to see your precious stories again. I can still ban you." (I could get to like steve. ^_^)   
  
Ash growled, then picked up a rock and threw it as hard as he could the other way. Naturally, it hit Maddog, who fell to the ground with a clack.   
  
Majin shook his head, "Idiots."   
  
Steve continued talking. "Now, gather round. We're trying to capture this boy Gohan, so I can ban him off the server. Now-"   
  
Gohan Hugger piped up, "I get to cuddle him right?"   
  
Steve muttered, "Yeah, fine, whatever. Now-"   
  
Mistress Storm Crow wailed, "Can I finish my Judge Vegeta fic first?"   
  
"NO! Now-   
  
"Ow...the pain! Ash, why did you-"   
  
"SHUT UP! *maddog fall silent, surprised that he hasn't been hurt in some way again* Mow, we have a contact in an author called Acyla. She's willing to show us to Gohan if we give her Paladone for some sort of bizzare torture."   
  
Majin Vegeta spoke quietly, "Is it wise to put our trust in her? She seems highly unstable."   
  
"We don't have much choice. Being the host of the realm, I should know where he is, but for some reason, no one has seen him since all this chaos started."   
  
"Do you think he might be responsible for this boy's invasion?"   
  
Steve sneered, "No, of course not, no author has that kind of power." (Oh, how little you konw. MWAHAHAHHA!)   
  
Ash spoke up, "Before Gohan twisted me into an intricate and complicated knot, I overheard that he was planning to go to the mystery section next door. He's probably long gone by now, though."   
  
Steve smiled, "With all the bad fictions he's reading, he'll probably snap again. The instant he does, we can find him. I WILL have revenge. I will be-"   
  
_To be continued...._   
  
  
  
  
"Now hold on a second, I haven't finished my melodramatic speech!"   
  
  
_TO BE CONTINUED...._   
  
  
  
Ash stood up "Dammit, HOLD ON! We haven't gotten to do our evil 5-minute-super-villain-group-laugh!"   
  
**_TO....BE.....CONTINUED!!!!....._**   
  
  
Maddog also stood up, "Hey, this isn't fair! YOu're always mean to us, especially me! Why won't you just let us finish our-"   
  
  
A ligtning bolt that originated from nowhere struck MAddog, and he fell to the ground, smoking and sizzling. "ANY MORE OBJECTIONS!"   
  
  
Silence   
  
  
_Ahem....To be continued....._

* * *

  
Will Gohan and Dot make their way through this never-ending trip? WIll Dyani and her new-found companions reach Paladone before it's too late. Will Acyla's new plan work? (hint hint, no) Will Steve Savage and his group reach Gohan without killing themselves. How long can Bulma escape Chichi's wrath? Where IS Paladone anyway? Stay tuned for the GENERAL section! 


	9. The General Section, Part 1

Disclaimer: YEAH, I OWN DBZ! GO ON, SUE ME! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!   
  


Notes: READ THIS, I KNOW IT'S LONG: Once again, sorry for the delay, 'real life' is busy. If you didn't already know, Funi's actually going back to do Dragonball! First! (Oh darn, we won't see GT until 2003) By september, they're gonna start dubbing, and the first season will go until the end of the 21st Tenkachi Budokai. Kick ass. Here's another scoop, new cast, and you can vote for the ones you want! (I don't know the site, go look it up.) Right now, I think GOhan's voice actor is going back to do Goku, which is fine by me (she's good). I'm not really sure about the music, so I'm staying pessimstic about it so I don't get all dissapointed. Seriously for those of you that haven't seen Dragonball, you're gonna love some of the stuff in it. Watch Kururin as he puts up one hell of a fight throughout the series (Next to Goku, and possily Tien, he's the best). Watch Kamesemnin (Master Roshi) be an incredible fighter and useful instructor (though he's still a pervert. Oh yeah, he created the Kamehameha, for those of you who care.) Watch Yamcha actually put up a really good fight (god he is so screwed in DBZ, it's sickening.) Watch Tien really, really kick ass (and beat Goku once. YES!) Watch Yajarobe (yes, he can fight too) slice a demon in half. KICK ASS! Watch Karin do something useful. Watch Chao-zu beat on Kururin. And LUNCH EXISTS!!! Isn't it great? Oh, yeah yeah, and watch Goku win a whole lot more, though it's nicer becasue he's a kid now, not a pumped up adult. Basically, for many of you that feel the human characers are shunted back, this series'll be a real refresher. What makes it the greatest, I think, is that it's a light-hearted sort of show, and there isn't much killing or anything until real late in the series (where Toriyama becomes obsessed with blood and gore). You know, it's really sad that the audience demaned more bloody fighting than comedy, or else this could've been much, much different.   
  
Ok, enough Dragonball. This chapter is general #1, but really it is more the "I'm pissed at Funi and this is my way of venting my anger" chapter. So, let's take a trip down the yellow brick road of blunder boys and girls! Hey, by the way, Ash, I'M NOT THAT UNORIGINAL AND LOUSY! For god's sake, I'm not going to just let Gohan beat them up! Did I have him beat Agony up at first sight? NO! *grumble grumble* I'm gonna pick on you a lot for that. No one but him understands what that means. Now, I think I've realized why some people are saying this story is wierd. First off, it IS wierd, but I didn't explain who Steve Savage was. NO really, some people don't know. He's one of the original creators of this website. I thought, with such a great name, why not use him as a semi-villain? Finally, I still accept submissions for General fics. Ok, explanations done. On to the show....   
  
P.S. Question: Who has been the only **_friendly_** character to really humiliate and defeat Goku, without Goku beating him up later (you know, like he did with Yamcha.)? I'll mention the right answer and the people who got it right in my next random notes chapter.   
  
  


# Gohan's Journey: The General Section, Part 1.

  
  
Gohan was stunned at the area before him.   
  
It wasn't much bigger, or brighter than the other rooms. It didn't have any more people than normal. The fact was, it was pure chaos, no order at all.   
  
Tables were upside down, people were throwing pencils and badly written compositions all over the place. GOhan was nearly hit between the eyes with what appeared to be Acyla's second "Gohan's Journey: Acyla's revenge". "She wrote another one? And why is it here in the general section?"   
  
"Yup. I dunno, maybe Paladone is using a bad excuse to make fun of her more."   
  
"But you've told me before that no one really knows where he is. How can she possibly write a story about him if he isn't there.   
  
Dot nodded solemnly, "It's sad what power writers have. Heck, she put the misguided notion through people's brains that Paladone Products LTD. (A real company yes. Isn't it great?) is a pure Sex Toy Manufacturer, ignoring the other products it sells. Besides all the 'sex toys' are gag toys." (I LOVE shooting her down. Oh, but wait until the last chapter, whoooo boy, she'll be clawing at my throat.)   
  
"What're sex toys? DO you mean boy and girl toys? That's a wierd name for it."   
  
"Erm....well....sorta....never mind."   
  
"Well, ok. Anyway, why is this section so...*ducks from flying manuscripts*....crazy?"   
  
"Well, this is the general section. Most people that put stories here can't deide on another section. So basically, they can be anything from bizzare and wierd stories to works of Art. The majority of stupid stories end up here."   
  
"Aren't...all the stories wierd and bizzare around here?"   
  
"yeah but....."   
  
Dot and Gohan entered the next room, and Gohan gasped. The ENTIRE ROOM was covered in little dolls, wallpaper, figurenes, and videos of...HIMSELF! A decent-sized group of people were listening to a nerdy girl in huge glasses talk (no Chelsee, it's not you, don't worry. I'm not THAT evil. *Acyla snickers* Besides, you need to finish that chapter. ^_^) Dot grabbed Gohan and pulled him under the draped table. "What?"   
  
"SHHH! Be quiet, or you'll never get out of here!"   
  
"W-why?"   
  
"This is the center for GLAD."   
  
"Glad?"   
  
"Gohan Lovers Anonymous Debate."   
  
Gohan turned red, "...m....me?"   
  
"Oh, you'd be surprised. Hell, there are people trying to KILL Videl to get you for themselves! (coughcough005coughcough)"   
  
"....who's Videl? You mean the cute daughter of Mr. Satan?"   
  
"Oh yeah, I forgot, you're only 12 right now. Anyway..."   
  
"Wait a minute! What's the 'debate?' Shouldn't it just be Gohan Lovers Anonymous?"   
  
"Yeah, but that would be GLA. Glad sounds better. Oh dear *snicker* listen to this."   
  
The girl with specs could be heard now. "....and then I started watching DBZ, and thought, like, Goku was such a jerk for, like, STEALING GOHAN'S GLORY!!!"   
  
"YEAH!"   
  
"Uh heeheeheeehee! So then I started, like, collecting all the movies, downloaded crappy Realplayer episodes, like, off the internet, and even bought, like, minuture action figures! It's wierd, how my friends treat me like I'm wierd and obsessed and stuff, but...heehee, it's FUN!"   
  
"YEAH!"   
  
"Oh! And I fell in LOVE with Movie #9 Gohan! I dreamed about making insane, wet and sticky love to him every night!"   
  
Gohan could not believe what he was hearing, "What do they mean Movie #9 Gohan? What, are there different types of me now? And what does she mean by 'wet and sticky?'"   
  
Dot wisely ignored the last question and quietly whispered, "Keep it down! They mean the time when you fought Bojack."   
  
"Oh yeah, " Gohan's eyes went flat, "Him."   
  
"But then, like, my dad said I couldn't get a stuffed life-size model to hug and kiss!"   
  
"BOOOOOOOOO!!!"   
  
Gohan whispered, "Let's get out of here, this is freaky."   
  
They both turned and crept towards the door, inch by agonizing inch, while the girl started talking about her first Gohan dream in more detail than is neccesary to describe here. (Here, Paladone decides to build a nice healthy brick wall around his house to keep out the madwomen with pitchforks and torches.)   
  


* * *

  
"All right, so what's the plan."   
  
Majin Vegeta looked up, "Maybe we should just go into the General Room and grab him."   
  
Steve sneered Savagely (oh wait, crap, a joke repeat) angrily. "Too easy. BEsides, the boy'd beat the snot out of you weaklings. ME, on the other hand-"   
  
Gohan Hugger piped up, "Oh, he's my HERO. How about this, as long as you just ban him, and don't hurt him or anythign, I'll hug him still."   
  
"And how do you propose you'll get that close? Apparently, he can fly."   
  
Mistress Storm Crow spoke up, "I can keep him transfixed with my 'Women's Arsenal'."   
  
Steve smacked his head, "He's a total and complete innocent! He wouldn't understand what you were doing! Besides, he doesn't remember any of the NC-17 section."   
  
Majin looked confused, "How do you know that?"   
  
"Um...er...I...don't know. That's wierd." Steve sighed. "Look, it's obvious that Paladone is somehow linked to the boy getting inside. We have to locate either him or Gohan. But splitting up is too dangerous."   
  
ASh quietly spoke, "Why don't we send my Poke-made-up-characters-mon. Besides Scuba Steve, which remains faithfully by my side *others look confused* I have Agony and Eric. I'll send Agony in search of Paladone, and Eric for Gohan."   
  
The background swirled dramatically, and Ash struck a pose. _I am SO cool_ "Agony! Eric! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"   
  
The familiar demon woman known as Agony ran off in search of Paladone. Eric popped out of the ball, and Maddog gasped. "He looks exactly like you!"   
  
Ash blinked, "Of course! I basically inserted myself into the story, just with a nifty morphing arm!" (Ok, ok, I don't KNOW this, but his e-mail is Eric Mansereau, so, I'm taking a geuss, k?)   
  
Eric turned to Ash, and gestured dramatically, **_".....ASH!"_**   
  
The others fell down Anime-style. "Yes?"   
  
"What do you want me to do.......ASH?!"   
  
"Find Gohan and beat him senseless." Ash stated flatly.   
  
Gohan Hugger stood up, "Wait a second, how do you expect Eric to-"   
  
"SILENCE! That boy has insulted me! He tied me up next to MADDOG! I will not TOLERATE this! I'll bend him over backwards and smack him like my biotch! HA!"   
  
"Oh shut up." Steve muttered, "You'll do nothing of the sort. All I want is to teach him a lesson, then send him back out of the net. If we provoked him like that, the whole website would fall apart, and the visitors here would have to go out and get a life, or even a date!" (I AM being insulting today. But admit it, we're writing Dragon Ball Z FANFICTION. Of course, I'm an exception, I'm just too cool ^_^)   
  
"Ok, fine then. ERIK! Beat him senseless, than return him to me, where we cam ban him.   
  
Erik struck another dramatic pose, "....GOHAN!....this is the mechanicism....OF YOUR DOWNFALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
  
His arm morphed into a helecoptor rotor, "THIS STORY ENDS.....NOOOOOOWWWWWWwwwwww........"   
  
Majin Vegeta shook his head, but remained silent. (You know, of all the people, he's the only one I haven't insulted yet. I'll have to think on that....)   
  


* * *

  
Gohan and Dot walked into the familiar computer room, and opened up the incredibly large list of General fics.   
  
"Well now, let's see what we've got here......hmmmmm....."   
  
Gohan looked at one selection for a second. "The worst moments of Funimation. What is that?"   
  
Dot stared at him, "You don't know what Funimation is?"   
  
"Uh......no."   
  
Dot sighed, "Ok....where to start. You probably know by now that you're lives were recorded in Japan. What you DON'T know is that another country, the *dun dun dun* United States decided to translate and....change it a little."   
  
Gohan naively asked, "How much?" (You poor child. I'm really putting you through hell, aren't I?)   
  
"Oh dear. Well, you might as well find out."   
  
The computer started droning. "The worst moments of Funimation: by SUPERFUNIHATER. Rating: G Summary: GOD I HATE FUNIMATION! *Gohan falls out of his chair, again* They are the DEVIL! THE SATAN of ANIME! AAAAARGH!"   
  
Gohan looked up, dazed. "Wow, that guy really doesn't like them, does he?"   
  
Dot explained, "It varies. Some people won't even give them half a chance (to be honest, I loved the Cell Games, except for the SSJ2 scene.) Some people don't care."   
  
The title flashed on screen, then blasted to where Vegeta and Nappa landed in the city. Gohan snarled as he saw Nappa again, a figure he very much wished to put out of his memory forever. As they talked and Nappa started to blow up the city, Gohan noticed strange and dull music in the background. "What is that, 80s techno funk?"   
  
Dot winced at the explosion. "Yeah, a bunch of real crappy musicians make music that doesn't fit at all to the scene. It's amateurish, but we all assume that they were hired cheap."   
  
Gohan muttered, "If they have the indecnecy to film our lives, at least do it to some good music..."   
  
Nappa spoke up, sounding really crappa (I will not pretend that was funny, or original.) with his pseudo-tough voice. "The area may have been EVACUATED, but it will give them something to think about!"   
  
Vegeta spoke in a decent but unusually soft voice, "Yeah, it's too bad it's sunday, those building's would've been full tommorow!"   
  
The scene started to switch, but Gohan was confused. "Are they stupid or something? What kind of moron would believe that all those people Nappa vaporized somehow 'evacuated?'"   
  
Dot explained, "Well, Funimation's trying to make money, so they don't want to offend any over-protective or whiny parents. Believe me, it isn't going to get better for a while."   
  
"What HAVE I gotten myself into?"   
  
The scene switched to where Nappa blew up a Helicopter. Gohan snarled again, he HATED it when innocent people died and didn't deserve it. Then Tien, sounding like a real wuss (I HATED his first voice actor, and his second isn't all that much better.) spoke up, "Look, I can see their parachutes! They're OK!"   
  
Gohan grimaced, "I see what you mean. Boy, they REALLY think we're stupid, don't they?"   
  
The scene flashed again. Kururin was holding his trademark Kienzan in the air. _Good old Kururin_. "Destructo Disk! Here, CATCH!"   
  
_Destructo Disk? What kind of a name is THAT?_   
  
As if he had read Gohan's thoughts, Dot responded, "Well, there are worse names. Tri-beam, Special Beam Cannon...."   
  
The disk cut Nappa's cheek, and split a small mountain in half. The weird thing was, the cut didn't bleed. "....I've never had a cut that doesn't bleed."   
  
Dot spat, "Censoring. WEll, to be honest, it gets better later. Oh well."   
  
THe entire scene flashed forward to Planet Namek. Gohan blinked, "Wow, that was fast."   
  
Vegteta blasted Kewi, "Time to send you....TO THE NEXT DIMENSION!"   
  
_What the heck is the next dimension?_   
  
"If I cross you're new dimension."   
  
"TIme to be blown away....to ANOTHER DIMENSION!"   
  
"....to the NEXT Dimension!"   
  
Gohan yelled out, "ENOUGH!!!! Dear Kami, what is this DIMENSION crap?"   
  
But the scene had already changed. Kururin was talking to Dende, "Don't worry, we'll take you back to you're dad and brother later dende!"   
  
Gohan stood up, outraged, "Why the hell would he want to see corpses of his family? What kind of sick-"   
  
Dot drew back, "Um....they're trying to hint that Dodoria DIDN'T kill Dende's family."   
  
"....oh....they're stupid."   
  
Kururin was speaking again, "Now I lay me down to sleep....."   
  
Gohan snorted sarcastiacally, "Oh, so Kururin is now a member of the non-existant Christian-Buddhist sect?"   
  
More such strange lines were thrown at Gohan, and the whole thing dragged along like a Batan Death March. Oh, but the worst had to be Rikuum, "Hey guys, can I take care of these two?"   
  
Burter replied, "Ok, but if you don't finish in five minutes, no TV for a week!" (Insert stupid 'goofy' music here)   
  
"Ok! I like to watch soap op-er-as."   
  
Gohan groaned, and was relieved as the screen faded. Dot looked sad, "Well, now for the hard part."   
  
"Um.....the hard part?"   
  
"Yeah. While there was a lot of censoring, covering up death, and cuts, from here on, there are so many corny jokes it drove people like Acyla insane."   
  


* * *

  
Dyani and her group crept along through the remains of the horror section. The blasted throne room was nearly the only room standing. "Why is it that every section we come to is destroyed?"   
  
Vegeta's little Girl mused for a second, "Well, Ash CAN be irritating, and Gohan has a bit of a temper problem. *snicker* I imagine he blew up after watching what Ash put his family through."   
  
Jevana piped up again, "Yeah, becasue he's so strong and stuff, and OOOOOOH, look here, this must be the branding iron Gohan used, and wowie yipperskippers (???) , look at the huge hole in that wall-"   
  
SSJ4 interrupted, "Yo, what's going on here, the general sectio is blaring with screaming!"   
  
Dyani noticed it too. "Oh NO! Dot wouldn't! He's....he's"   
  
"He's what?"   
  
"He's....showing the worst moments of our English Dub."   
  
The other three gasped in horror, "How TERRIBLE! Making that poor boy sit through all that! *a mass stampede flees out of the section screaming* LOOK OUT!"   
  


* * *

  
The next season got off to a riproaring start with Jeice and the australian accent that made Gohan want to strangle things. After a lingering pan of his rear-end, JAce hollered, um, unenthusiastically, "AAAAA! That does it mate! No one makes a fool of the GINYU FORCE!"   
  
Oh, but it got worse too. Gohan cringed as he heard his father power up a kamehamaha. "DEAR GOD! It sounds like he's constipated.....I have never used that word in my life. Why DO I keep saying these things?"   
  
Dot laughed, "Yeah, this one's famous. We all call it the Kamehamedump."   
  
Gohan tutted at the fighting scenes too, "What's with all the 'uh uh er ah uh oooh er'ing'? Lord, if we yelled that much, we'd tire in minutes. Boy, it really gets annoying after a while too." (Once again, this was fixed in the Cell Saga.)   
  
The next scenes were more bearable (some people overeact over stupid things,), though hearing Kururin say "Mondo Cool," was difficult. Then.....the horror.   
  
Gohan on screen jumped up and down, "YEAH! GOOD OL' NAMEK, where BALLS are BORN!!!!!!!!!!"   
  
  
  
".........I...did...not...hear myself...say that."   
  
Then, the scene flashed to 'King Kai's' ("Who's king kai? You mean Kaiou?") Yamcha started talking, "Yeah Piccolo, You da bomb man! This is wack!"   
Tien: "Yo dude, you rock! I'm going NUTS!"   
Kaiou: "And remember 10 cents a minute! I still got it! HEEHEHEHEHE *snort**honk*otherfakeandmoroniclaughing*"   
  
Gohan frowned, "Why are they talking like that? I don't get it, is that supposed to be funny?"   
  
"Oh, you haven't heard ANY of the jokes yet."   
  
The young saiyajin winced at the new voices. "Why does Furiza sound like a gay old lady? And, dear god, poor Mr. Piccolo."   
  
"Just watch, we're getting closer to the end."   
  
Oh, and Frieza had all sorts of wierd lines. "This way I won't break a nail. Oh yes, now I'm STOKED." But GOhan noticed a whole bunch of REALLY strange lines directed at Goku. "We coudl have been so good together...ohhhh. This CUNT be! (yeah, I checked the tape just to make sure)"   
  
Then Gohan heard the new worst line ever, one that would haunt him in nightmares FOREVER.   
  
"ALL RIGHT BIG GUY! Whatever TURNS YOU ON!"   
  
**_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_** GOhan curled up into a little ball and rocked back and forth, shaking. "No, the horror, the pain, the IMAGE! Dot, please make it STOP!"   
  
Dot sighed, "Don't worry boy, the worst is over. That was the climax, it gets better from here....a little."   
  
Gohan wimpered as the next scene rolled by. AFter more stupid lines, Furiza FINALLY died, but Gohan looked questioningly at Dot, "Did they say, 5 minutes? No, the planet took 3 hours to blow up. WHy does everyone think it was five minutes?"   
  
The black dot paled, "Don't say that to anyone else, or the whole DBZ community will go into uproar. (oops)"   
  
They zipped thorugh the next parts, and, aside from #19's helium-pumped voice, it was getting better. But then, to his dismay, Piccolo started jamming on the jokes again.   
  
"What's the matter android, forgot to recharge you're batteries?"   
"WELL, It's not over until it's OVER."   
"*talking endlessly to Dr. Gero about good and happiness and 'the more you hurt others, the more it hurts you'*"   
  
GOhan groaned, "Why are they picking on Mr. Piccolo? I've never heard him come even close to saying any of that....EVER!"   
  
#16 sounded like someone talking lifelessly into a metal drum, with the "You guys are COOL!" line.   
  
TO put the finishing touches on the whole ordeal, Kururin spouted off random nonsense lines.   
  
"Glad I'm not a lightning rod."   
"Mama-mia"   
"COWABUNGA!" (I KNOW he said that somewhere.)   
  
Gohan stood up, anger in his eyes. "How DARE they do that to Kururin." SO he HUFFED and he PUFFED and he blew the computer screen down. "That's terrible! Why don't they just translate it normally, what's with the stupid music, strange censoring, and god-awful punchlines?"   
  
Dot sighed, "No one really knows, son. No one knows. Anyway, let's move on to some REAL stories now."   
  
Gohan sat dejectedly, wondering what would come next.......   
  


* * *

  
Steve and crew started moving again, stopping only when Agony returned. Growls and snaps indicated she hadn't really found anything, and she always took her anger out on Maddog (oh, I haven't forgotten you). Of course, the scenes are too hideous to describe, but Maddog always lived through it, due to the influence of her master.   
  
Ash spoke sinisterly, "Well, MY sinister crew, Erik hasn't returned yet, maybe he found our little hero."   
  
Steve smacked Ash upside the head, "MY sinister crew, not yours. Well, maybe you're right. If we find Gohan first, we wont NEED to get Paladone for Atyla....Acryla....what was her name again?"   
  
"Atylla the Hun!"   
  
"Oh yeah. I can find Paladone whenever I want, but this boy stalks the website like a natural disaster."   
  
MAddog groaned from his latest heart-being-ripped-out-than-stuffed-back-in procedure from Agony. "Isn't that Erik over there?"   
  
The others sat in disbelief as they watched Erik strut about, "Everything that is wrong in this world is becasue of...ME! I'm the worst excuse for a human being that ever.....LIVED! I'LL GET YOU AGONY, YOU'll!!.....um, oh sorry master."   
  
Ash buried his face in his hands, "Oh come ON now. You knwo we don't write the next chapter until the crisis passes over, you can practive your lines later."   
  
"I'll do my best....ASH! GOHAN! I'm COMING!!!!!!"   
  
Erik sped off into the distance, while Steve went amd started banging his head against the wall.   
  
_To Be Continued...._

* * *

  
What will happen next? Will Eric find and defeat Gohan, or be too distracted by....himself? Did Dyani and crew survive the stampede? Will Agony get anywehre near finding Paladone? (hint hint, no.) Stay tuned! Well, I'm REALLY not looking forward to the next chapter, that one's gonna be a doozy. I've kinda strayed from the original make-fun-of-stories sort of thing, but I'll get back to that in due time, once I get through this particular section. Ja Ne! ^_^ I'll try to get the next chapters out sooner than I have been lately. 


	10. The General Section, Part 2

Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ, Fanfiction.net, or any of the authors listed here, except for Maddog.   
  
Notes: Well, for the six of you that answered my question, only two were right. Henry, and ETERNAL BOB. YEs, now I can mock you all. Mr. Popo was the only friendly character to absolutely humiliate and kick Goku's ass without retaliating later in the series. Some said Kururin, Kururin has never won a fight against Goku, sadly enough. One said Tien, he won, but only barely, but that was a good geuss. You'll all note that MORE sections have been added, and I refuse to do them. I mean, ANHST? SCI-FI? Stupid. Well, as you all know, I'm late. Again. I've simply been busy with the forum and chat wars, and, you know, REAL LIFE. I must admit, with the current state of the "Generation X" of DBZ fanfiction, and swarm of crappy flamers (not you, ITYG), I was seriously considering leaving. However, due to the nice number of reviews, and, more importantly, a very ego-boosting e-mail from some anonymous person, I've decided to stay at least until I finish this fic. K? Let's begin   
  
  
Gohan's Journey: Chapter 10, The General Section, Part 2   
  
  
Dyani and crew truged along down the dusty path. Jevena struck up "The yellow brick road," despite protests and groans from SSj4, Dyani, and Vegeta's Little Girl. SJJ4 muttered, "Sounds like a crow dying in a sand storm...." (A/N: I decided not to torture you Jevena, only bellitle you a bit ^_^)   
  
Dyani was half-asleep while walking, thinking about the sad, depressing state of fanfiction on the net, when she realized JEvean had stopped squak--er--singing. Ahead of them was one strange man, holding a poor little girl with big, puppy dog eyes, by the hair.   
  
"...VEGGIECHICK!"   
  
"Quit shouting at me. Please let me go mister! *gives sad, puppy-dog eyes*"   
  
"....NO! I MUST make things RIGHT again! Where IS gohan."   
  
"I don't know sir....*gives sad, puppy-dog eyes*"   
  
"TELL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"   
  
"I really, really don't konw! I'm sorry. *gives sad, puppy-dog eyes*"   
  
"WEll then....you will PAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
  
Eric's arm morphed into a Really Nasty Looking Object (copyright) and the others could only stare in horror. A vortex opened on the spot. 'I banish thee....TO THE CROSS-OVER SECTION!!!!!!!"   
  
Veggie chick cried out *giving sad, puppy dog eyes*, and was sucked into the vortex. Then everything was still, and Eric ran off, spouting Shakespear.   
  
Everyone was silent. It all happened too quickly.   
  
  
  
  
  
Jevena: "......Let's Follow the YELLOW BRICK ROA-"   
  
"SHUT UP!" (I can hardly wait for the torture fic)   
  
  
Gohan blinked, looking at the unusual surroundings, "I thought we were in the General Section last chapter?"   
  
Dot looked confused too. "....the author must want us to see something. Oh, THAT must be it"   
  
Gohan stared, new buildings had appeared, marked Angst, Sci-fi, Parody, and more. Then, a terrible, horrible, ugly thought came to him. 'N-NO! W-we're not going to have to go THROUGH those are we?"   
  
Dot shuddered. "No, I don't think so. Do you REALLY want to read a parody called, 'Pimpin' Goku?'" (Oh yes, I saw it in the just-in's earlier today)   
  
Gohan stared incredulously, "What?"   
  
"Exactly. Come on, let's go back inside." But before they could walk back in, a blinding nimbus of pure light appeared, and Chelsee, the certifable GOD of action/adventures on all of ff.net, fell to the ground with a not so god-like crash. "Huh? Wha-?"   
  
Gohan looked at her, "Um, are you ok? Your eyes look all dialated." (^_^)   
  
Chelsee's eyes widened. "GOHAN! MOVIE #9 GOHAN!!!!!!!!!!!" She flew over to him with her Magic Writing Powers of Goodness and clasped him in a Magic Bear Hug, lifting him up. Gohan choked, "*crack, pop* clkkkk, ow, think I broke a rib...."   
  
Chelsee had a big grin on her face. "SO, he let me in after all! (A/N: TOLD YOU, TOLD YOU I WOULD) Great! I-" THen the light flashed again, and she dissapeared to the crossover section along with Veggiechick, for no good reason at all. (Course, I never said WHAT I would do to you *evil grin*)   
  
Gohan blinked, ".......huh?"   
  
Dot shook it's head, "Come on, let's go back. I think I know where all the second generation authors have dissapeared to."   
  
"Crossovers?"   
  
But they were back in the General Section, and the next story started, called "Gender Swap" Gohan sighed and put his hands behind his head. "Well, this should be interesting."   
  
DOt chuckled, "Oh yes, it's VERY interesting."   
  
  
Steve was pissed.   
  
Very pissed.   
  
"MAddog, I SWEAR TO GOD, if you fall into one more mud puddle, I think I'll scream."   
  
"I-I'm sorry sir. It's just.....I-I can't stop thinking about Jevena."   
  
Everyone stopped and stared at him. Mistress Storm Crow retorted, "Huh, she doesn't have the Arsenal that I do"   
  
"I don't know. She's only a 6th grader but, I-I think I'm in love."   
  
Gohan Hugger looked very confused, "Where in the Home for Infinite Losers did that come from? You haven't even seen her yet, and you haven't mentioned anything like this before!"   
  
Ash looked perplexed, "Is this supposed to be funny?"   
  
Steve snapped, "NEVER MIND!!!! Jeez, stay focused you people. Now then, here's the plan. Eric probably won't be able to beat-"   
  
Ash cried, "Now hold on, he's MY pokemon, he can handle that little wussy pussy. HA! Wussy pussy!"   
  
"Shut up, ash. Now, Eric won't be able to completely beat him, but he'll keep the boy occupied. Gohan Hugger runs up and traps him in a hug, while Mistress Storm Crow disorients him with her-"   
  
Majin Vegeta looked up, "Yeah, yeah, you've said that enough already, paladone."   
  
Fine. "Fine!" FINE!   
  
"I'll get Gohan in a headlock and ban him, and Majin'll capture dot with his brute strength."   
  
Ash yelled, "And I beat it sensless with SCUBA STEVE!"   
  
Steve ".....no. And keep a leash on Agony, for god's sake."   
  
Maddog looked worried, "Why do I have the feeling this plan is going to somehow backfire? I mean-" A loose brick fell on his head, knocking him out.   
  
Savage looked concentrated, "What do you mean?"   
  
MAddog's eyes opened, glazed. "Nrl....It seems like ever since Paladone dissa-" A boulder fell on top of his head, KNOCKING HIM OUT.   
  
MAjin Vegeta blew up the boulder, "Keep going."   
  
"UUrgghhhh.....I've bn tortured-ed-ed...ugh...and things haven't" A randomly placed building falls on top of him, **_KNOCKING HIM OUT_**.   
  
Ash stood up, "THIS ISN'T FAIR, PALADONE! You're not even giving us a chance!"   
  
No I'm not, you're right.   
  
Ash screamed, "How DARE you say this to m-"   
  
  
Ahem, back in the general section, the final scenario ended. Gohan stood trembling, trying to decide if he should be awed, terrified, or start bursting into insane, maniacal laughter.   
  
Dot looked at Gohan. "You look kinda frazzled."   
  
Gohan spoke, voice shaking, "It...it was just us...just as the opposite sex. I don't really understand the point! Vegeta must have been the ugliest woman I have ever seen in my entire life A-and, dear god, I NEVER want to see my mom look like a guy again."   
  
"Well, we only have one to go, then we'll move on to DRAMA!"   
  
Gohan sat down, "Oh GOODY. Drama. What, will we see fics where I'm going crazy or something, like I am right now."   
  
Dot ignored Gohan, "The other story we're watching is by GALAXY POLICE AGENT 005!"   
  
The boy blinked "o_O. Yeeeeaaaaaah, ok. Let's just start watching."   
  
"My Unusual Journey, by Galaxy Police Agent 005. Rating: G Summary: In an unusual turn of events, a genie from a toaster grants me a wish."   
  
The voice finished speaking, while Gohan pondered over that. "Ok....so....a police agent makes a story about herself, involving a genie, from a....toaster. Okaaaaaay. Great."   
  
The story started up, except, strangely enough, everything is hapening from a first person point of view. The author seemed to have problems deciding if she was talking in the past or present tense, but Gohan decided to look past that. She was fixing a TV. Now she was fiddling with wires.   
  
Gohan felt drowsy, "Gee, this is exciting, but what does this have to do with us.   
  
"Just wait....."   
  
Then, the girl used metal and pinesol and created a big TV.   
  
Then she created a remote.   
  
Then the TV didn't work.   
  
Gohan sighed, "Dot, how long is this?"   
  
"Bout 6 more chapters."   
  
"GAH!"   
  
Suddenly, out of nowhere, the TV started working, and a voice called, "YOU HAVE SUMMONED THE GENIE OF THE TOASTER!" The screen warped, pink cows flew by, and the girl blacked out in a grassy field. The chapter ended.   
  
Gohan blinked, "Huh? What? What happened? Where, when, how?"   
  
The next chapter was already beginning. The girl's voice had changed, and she now had a tail, and she was a child again (were you ever an adult? ^_^) "....What?" The strangness continued, where she climbed trees and ate apples. T-Rex's mysteriously popped out of nowhere to chase her.   
  
Gohan was snoring, but woken up by a familiar yell by dear Mr. Piccolo. "You're a saiyan."   
  
"uh, yeah."   
  
"Prepare to DIE!"   
  
Gohan was getting more and more bewildered by what was happening. She and Mr. Piccolo argued, and then she saw Gohan, on screen. "Me again?"   
  
She blushed, lowering her head. "Uh, why is her face red?"   
  
Dot laughed, "She has a REAL big crush on you."   
  
Gohan went red, "But I'm only **_5_** during this story! How could she have a crush on me?"   
  
"Love know no age."   
  
"**_5!?!?!_**"   
  
Piccolo suddenly started to trust the girl, and trained her, all this from her point of view. Gohan sighed, "You know, Piccolo doesn't ALWAYS train."   
  
Then, the fight with Nappa began again, much as Gohan remembered it, except this time Celey kicked Nappa a few times, and the poin of view switched to 3rd for a whole PARAGRAPH.   
  
Gohan looked quizically at dot, "What was the point of that?"   
  
"Uh, I don't know."   
  
As the fight moved on, Celey became the main fighter, instead of Goku, fighting as an ape and getting the snot beaten out of her. POV changes were happening all over the place now. Gohan was getting dizzy, "M-make it stop." The battle suddenly finished, and then....   
  
"Huh? Wait a sec, what happens next?"   
  
"That's it, for now. The story isn't finsihed."   
  
Gohan felt like tearing peices of hair out of his head. "What do you MEAN it isn't finished. I HATE stories that aren't finished!"   
  
"Aw well, come on, let's get out of here."   
  
Gohan brightened up. "I forgot about that! Only two more sections, and I can leave? Gee, I wonder how Bulma and my Mom are doing.......   
  
  
Bulma tenderly rubbed the huge bump on her head while she and chichi read through the stories, in an attempt to find Gohan. Chichi was still angry, swishing her Evil Cliched Frying Pan of Death back and forth. "I can't believe you....so immature....my poor gohan. Oh, he's going to get so far behind on his studies....HEY! Now why does everyone make me out to be such a tyranical mother! I'm not THAT bad.   
  
Bulma looked on, "I dunno, everyone makes ME out to be an incredibly weak-willed woman. I never get any good stories...."   
  
A voice roared from the training room, "WOMAN, the MINUTE I get out of here, I'm going to tear you apart and..."   
  
Chichi looked confused, forgetting Gohan for a second. "What did you do to Vegeta?"   
  
Bulma snorted, "He was being a baby, and trying to get back at you for hitting him on the head. I threw him in the gravity room and set the power to 5000. Even at Super Saiyajin, he can't move."   
  
Chichi looked down, "I hope what ever Gohan's doing, it's educational and informative......Darn it, I am NOT THAT obsessed over studying! BULMA, I SWEAR, NEVER LET GOHAN EVER READ ANY OF THESE STORIES AGAIN!"   
  
  
Gohan relaxed as he and dot finally exited the General section. He had finally made it through a whole section, and had not blown up. Furthermore, he was only two sections away from his family, his friends, it would even be nice to see Vegeta again, at this rate.   
  
As they walked, a low, sinister, melodramatic laugh sounded, and a wall exploded in front of them. Eric made a Vegeta-style entrance, a smirk on his face. Gohan's eyes widened in recognition, as Eric floated near him. "Heh heh heh.....time to pay, Gohan. Time to-"   
  
Then he remembered he couldn't fly, and fell to the ground, clanking like a tin can. "Ouch! DAMMIT ash, why couldn't you make me fly during Consuming Madness!" (A/N He can't fly in Consuming Madness, I think he can in Atrocities, though, so I'm going to pretend Atrocities hasn't been written yet, work with me here)   
  
Gohan's eyes narrowed. "What do you want?"   
  
Eric dusted himself. 'What, oh yes. GOHAN!!!!!! Time for you, to PAY!"   
  
".....for what?"   
  
Eric looked confused, "Um....for.....hold on."   
  
The strange man looked through a script "Lesee, death, no, um, oh, was it for people everyhwere? Um."   
  
Gohan looked bewildered at dot, but before Dot could say anything, Eric shouted, "FOR INSULTING MY MASTER!"   
  
Without another word, his arm morphed into a chain gun, and he started blazing away at Gohan. While the bullets bounced and ricoched off the boy (Hey, even MAster Roshi was nearly immune to bullets, and his power's hardly 134). Gohan looked quizically at dot, "Why are people after me? I've hardly done anything here!"   
  
Dot shouted over the roar, "Well, you DID destroy the humor section. And the Romance section. And the horror-"   
  
Eric stopped, "Why won't it work! AARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" He launched himself at the boy from atop the wall, and threw a metal-fisted punch. Gohan stepped back a little, and Erik smashed into the ground face-first in front of him, leaving a nice hole in the ground.   
  
Eric gasped melodramtically. "Wh-what is this? Why can't I WIN! NO, my injuries are too HORRIBLE, look at the size of this scratch! GGAAQAAHHHH!" He attempted to morph his arm into a rocket launcher, but it malfunctioned, and changed to a staple gun, which shot him in the foot.   
  
The young saiyajin simply stared in bewilderment. _This guy's an....idiot._   
  
Once again, the arm morphed, this time into the Really Nasty Looking Object. "YOU SHALL PERISH.....in the CROSSOVER SECTION!!! If I must be defeated...SO WILL YOUUUUUUUU!!!!"   
  
Dot cried out, "NO! You're a madman! DON'T!!!!!!" (The drama is just overpowering, isn't it?)   
  
  
_To be continued....._   
  
  
Sorry for being late. You're probably geussing what's going to happen next, so I need crossover submissions. BAD crossovers, I mean the most generic, worst you can find, cause some of them aren't that bad. Oh yeah, they have to involve DBZ in some way. K? Thanks!   
  



	11. What Happened?

Disclaimer: Yadda yadda, etc etc.   
  
Notes: Well, after a nice, long vacation (about 2 1/2 months), I'm back with another rip-roaring chapter. Celevrate. Ok? Now then. I don't have anything to ramble about except to look forward to Dragonball, which actually sounds quite good according to DaizenshuuEX. Alright, here we go.   
  
  
Gohan's Journey: What happened?   
  
"Whew, wow, what a trip."   
  
Gohan and Dot stumbled down the hallway, Gohan bloodied from the awesome battle that had commenced earlier. "Geez, that was insane."   
  
Dot shivered "How on earth did we live through that?"   
  
"Dunno. Sure were a lot of random 'Atrocities' jokes."   
  
"Why was Ash humping the pole, anyway?"   
  
"Dunno, I think that was when Eric fired the rocket launcher the wrong way."   
  
Gohan winced, "Geez, poor Jevena. I think she flew about 50 feet."   
  
Dot grinned, despite the fact that he had no mouth, "I thought it was funny when Crow tried to show you her "Women's arsenal."   
  
Gohan blinked, "Huh?"   
  
The groups led by Steve Savage (moderator of ff.net, and general evil guy) and Dyani (first loyal fan who left ff.net :( ), came out different too. Maddog had been magically promoted king of the Horror Section, and Ash was now his servant, left to be hit by various objects when our favorite author runs out of ideas for jokes. Also, a new villain naming herself "The Hentai Lady" had joined up with Acyla (whom had skirted around the edge of the horrible battle, looking for Pala--   
  
Gohan suddenly stopped, confused. "Wait a sec. I don't remember us doing any of this! Weren't we about to be sucked in to the crossover section last chapter?"   
  
Dot shrugged, "Geuss the author was too lazy to actually read some crossovers."   
  
"We've been here a while. Where are we now?"   
  
Whip cracks and shrieks eminated from the next room. Dot groaned, "Oh no. No, no, NO!"   
  
Gohan blinked, "What?"   
  
"We've warped into something terrible. We're in....the...the..................."   
  
  
  
  
Feel the suspense.   
  
  
  
  
Gohan shouted to nowhere, "Quit trying to be funny and let it tell me where we are!"   
  
Fine!   
  
"Gohan, we're in the Message Board." (insert horror music)   
  
The poor boy gulped. He'd already heard bad, bad things about this place. (Hidden Angel's gonna LOVE me for this chapter ^_^) And now, inexplicably, he'd have to fight his way through to the Drama section.   
  
"*sigh* Come on, let's go."   
  
  
Dyani's group groaned and stumbled after the horrible etc etc etc etc........   
  
Jevena was still singing, but she kept messing up, for some reason. "Letes follu th- yelluw bick raod, the yelow rick doar..."   
  
Dyani squinted, "Why's you're spelling so bad?"   
  
"Teehee! The author felt like putting in a stupid private joke that won't make sense to anyone else reading this. Hold on, let me find my pet crickets...."   
  
"Which one, the one about you being 11, having crickets, or spelling bad."   
  
SSJ4 spoke up. "Never mind! Come on, we need to focus. Paladone is still missing, despite his awesome display of sheer power in the last fight."   
  
"Been missing for months...."   
  
Quiet you. "Anyway, what we need to do to find him is...."   
  
  
"....get them at the Action-Adventure Section!" Steve slammed his fist dramatically on Ash's head to emphasize his point.   
  
Majin looked up, "So basically, the author's finding an exucse to make all the parties dissapear for a couple chapters."   
  
MSC smiled, "That way, I can inflict my women's arsenal on Ash for a while!" (I'm just going to avoid msn for a couple days.....)   
  
Gohan Hugger bounced around, "I GET TO HUG GOHAN!"   
  
Steve stared, "......right. Anyway-"   
  
Maddog smirked as he checked out his new royal robes, "Look at me in my power and glory."   
  
"Shut up maddog, you're only in power because the author wanted to get at Ash for a while."   
  
"I thought you said the author had no power over us-"   
  
A brick fell on Ash's head, though he was saying nothing. He collapsed, pokeballs scattering in a heap.   
  
Majin Vegeta got up and started making the plans by himself, since no one else could concentrate for more than 13-15 seconds at a time, and because Paladone wants at least one reasonably sane author among the parties.   
  
  
  
  
The Author would like to take this time to express how terrific and kind and lenient a moderator we have in Hidden Angel, and how great a message board we have, seriously, so that when the chapter's over, she and the other raving m----er authors don't burn him at the stake. Thank you.   
  
  
  
  
"HI!"   
  
Gohan was nearly bowled over as someone jumped out from nowhere. "Hi, I'm Val!" A little 11-year old girl stood before him, much resembling Lime. (hey, I don't know what you look like!)   
  
The boy smiled, though confused, "I'm Gohan, nice to-"   
  
"I LOOOOVE Veggie head :) :) :) :)"   
  
".......ok. Anyway, do you know-?"   
  
"He's so CUTE in this hentai picture I downloaded! :) :) :) :)"   
  
"I think he's always pissed off and kinda ug-" (I'm really up for a beating. What I do for entertainment -_-)   
  
"I co-wrote a fic invovling, him, me, and whip cream! :) :) :) :)"   
  
Ok, you know I couldn't pass that up.   
  
Gohan, of course, is still an innocent. "I like whip cream! Anyway, nice to-"   
  
"*smile smile* Nice meeting you, later!"   
  
Val ran out of sight. Gohan still had his hand up, "Um...bye."   
  
Now let us turn our attention to this unusual girl, who now dramatically dove under a desk and whipped out her Toys-R-Us Walkie-Talkie. "This is the Hentai Lady calling the Lunatic, over!"   
  
"Yoddles."   
  
"I've located the Package, over!"   
  
"You do know we're only about 5 feet from eachother right?"   
  
"Yeah, but these new walkie-talkies are SO coolies, over!"   
  
"Ok. *snicker* Good thing Gohan didn't understand you."   
  
Val grimaced, "Paladone always does that to me! Now everyone'll know about that fic I wrote! *dies* Over!"   
  
"Quit saying 'over'! Anyway, that's why we're after him. *is still burning from the whole Eternal Bob and Cats incident*"   
  
"I have this horrible feeling that he's going to turn out triupmhant in this huge upcoming battle, but I can't figure out why! I just can't put my finger on it......over."   
  
  
I'd like to take time once again to show my appreciation for our beloved message board. I'd also like to appreciate the humor of keeping you all in suspense.   
  
  
Gohan and Dot had not walked another 6 feet when Chelsee again fell to the floor with a crash. "Damn that Paladone, @#$&ing doing that %$*^ to me during the *&#$ing battle!" Gohan winced and grimaced at the langauge she had picked up. Then she saw Gohan, and zipped over to give him a Bear Hug and smother him with kisses. "Oh GOHAN! *smooch* That meanie took *smooch* me out of the story after all *smooch* my hard work and yams!" Dot didn't say anything, but slowly backed up. Thunder clouds appeared from nowhere, to foreshadow the coming hell. For hell hath no fury like that of...   
  
"Can't...breathe.....h-hi...." Though he was slightly bigger (I DON'T KNOW, that picture of you doesn't show very much), he was picked up easily, and his face was turning different shades of blue and red.   
  
"YOU! HALT!"   
  
A tough looking woman with blue hair (I just watched Tenchi Muyo, great anime) in a police suit stepped forward. "I am GALAXY POLICE AGENT *deep breath* 005! Gohan is MINE! Stay back!" Lightning flashed to emphasize her point.   
  
  
Once again, I'd like to mention how great the Forum is.   
  
  
005 looked up "Yeah yeah, shut up Palajerk."   
  
Watch it, I can do baaaad things to you here. You're in MY world now, GYAHAHAHAHAHA!   
  
"....shut up Palajerk."   
  
  
005 whipped out one **Big-Ass-Gun**, and Chelsee took out her **Magic Wand of Writing Goodness** Both screamed, and locked into a horrible, gut wrenching battle.   
  
Gohan grimaced, "Man, what happened to her hair! ACK, poor bystander. *wince* Geez, gotta watch the claws...."   
  
Al of a sudden, the room was silent, and everyone was motionless. In fact, no one could move. A GREEN haired woman with a leather suit walked into the room, cracking a whip.   
  
"All right, this topic is CLOSED! In a couple seconds, it's GONE!" *crack*   
  
Both the girls stammered. "But she-!"   
  
"SILENCE! The boy and the tour guide are free to go, go on. I WILL HAVE NO WARS! FIGHTS=WARS! WARS=COMPLAINTS! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Etc! Etc, and ETC!"   
  
As the room vanished, Hidden Angel went back to go play ff8 AGAIN (ick, ick, ick) and think up new rules. ^_^ Chelsee and 005 were nowhere to be seen.   
  
  
(for all you poor people disillusioned with the last two Final Fantasy games, 8 and 9, go get Chrono Cross. It's GOOD.)    
Gohan listened to the topics as they wandered through, now free of plot restraints and other authors. "I need reviews, read my fic. And only HAPPY reviews, nothing constructive!"   
  
Dot started to talk again after his long silence, "This is the Message board, where people talk about DBZ, and fan-fiction. You can kind of think of it as the center of the section."   
  
"And if it I don't get 22 reviews, I'll stop writing for good....."   
  
Gohan listened with incredulity. "Why are they asking for reviews so much? Reviews aren't THAT important."   
  
"They are to some people. Oh dear, now listen to this."   
  
  
A new topic came up, and was heard over an unseen loudspeaker. "ALL RIGHT, I AM SERIOUSLY PISSED OFF! Ok, *insert name*, *#$@ off! I didn't ask for you're help, and I don't appreciate bad reviews! I mean, geez, listen to this!"   
  
The review popped up. "Hey, this was one great story! ^_^ I loved every bit of it, it was just so cool! Just to help you out a little, Trunks is one year older than Goten, that's all. Otherwise, I love it, and am looking forward to the next chapter!"   
  
"So #$%hole, screw you. I can write whatever I *^#&ing want. Thanks to all the rest of you for the good reviews."   
  
The saiyajin was simply stunned, "I know Paladone would like those kinds of reviews, that fantastic, talented...goddamit, I'm doing it again. But, dot, that was a good review! Why is she mad? There's no logical explanation!"   
  
"Dunno. Maybe-"   
  
Another one popped up. "Hey, does anyone know how many spikes of hair Goku has when he goes ssj? By the way, I've figured out how Goku and Furiza fought in 5 minutes! See, see, they're fighting at the speed of LIGHT, and they slowed it down for us to see, so it SEEMED like 5 hours. I have plenty of proof to back this up."   
  
Gohan thought for a second, "I don't recall there being any reason for it. Who has time to think up these kinds of theories? Don't these people have other things to do........oh yeah."   
  
Dot sighed, "Some people have WAY too much free time."   
  
Suddenly, a topic in bright red letters popped up. "I HATE FUNI! WHAT A BUNCH OF BULL THEY PUT US THROUGH! Did you hear Trunks GRUNT! HORRIBLE! It's a DISGRACE! WHAT BULL! I am a TRUE fan, and will NEVER watch Funi again."   
  
The sheer noise blew the two down, and Gohan rolled into H_A's FF8 crystal vase, shattering it. "Oops. So, he won't watch Funi anymore?"   
  
"No, he'll be back tommorow, it's his life to whine about the dub."   
  
"If he doesn't like it, why does he watch it?"   
  
"People are strange, Gohan, people are strange."   
  
Gohan looked around. "Ok, I think I've seen about enough...."   
  
"I HATE PICCOLO, he's so GREEN AND UGLY! I bet he DID molest Gohan. Ha, good thing Cell beat him down. You know, Cell's kind of cute...."   
  
The boy's eyes went flat. "Excuse me a minute."   
  
Dot yelled, "Wait, this is just a poorly planned plot point (That's alliteration, folks) in order to get you angry and blow stuff up! WAIT!"   
  
Gohan marched over to the topic, and dissapeared behind a door. Ugly sounding hits and explosions eminated from the room.   
  
Dot mused, "Oh yeah, that's what the whole fic is about, isn't it? ^_^"   
  
Then the roof disintegrated with a bang. Gohan walked out, smiling a little. "I'm beginning to know how Vegeta feels. This is kind of fun."   
  
Dot chuckled, "uh oh, I think you let the flamers in." Then he went white, "And the....um, Gohan' lets go. Now."   
  
Gohan and dot flew out of the Message Board as havoc unleashed. Spam posts and flame wars began afresh, while Hidden Angel recieved complaints. She could do nothing, as renegades took over the board and trashed her well designed rules. And then Paladone was made moderator, and the whiners dissapeared, and fresh new life was put in Fanfiction, and all was well again, and Surivor dissapeared, and that lady on "The Weakest Link" became funny, and people who gave A.I. a bad review were burned at the stake, and....   
  
  
_To be continued....._   
  
Next chapter: Gohan explores the crazy world of melodramatic drama. But will Acyla and Val catch him first? Will Savage boot Gohan before he completes his journey? Will Dyani and crew EVER find Paladone? Can Paladone become even more insulting? (Probably) Man, it'll be nice to get back to a large fanfiction section. Ever since general, it's been hard to make jokes. Anyway, got a bad Drama fic? Give me a source in a review and I'll take a look! Nice to be back, latas. 


	12. Paladone's Adress to the Readers

Disclaimer: Uh, don't kill me. Pretty please?  
  
  
*The audience watches confusedly as Gohan and Dot trable up near them. Gohan opens a pieve of paper*  
  
"So I just read this to them?"  
  
"Yeah. Doubt they'll like it though."  
  
Gohan took a deep breath. "Due to upper powers beyond even our author's contorl (i.e.: his family) Paladone will not  
be even remotely within the vicinity of a computer for-"  
  
The boy's eyes widened, then looked up at Dot, "Eheh, you sure you don't want to read it?"  
  
"Oh yes, quite sure."  
  
A mumble escaped his lips "4 weeks?"  
  
The audience was silent. "Until then, Val is free to write more whip cream fiction without fear of taunting, 005 will   
be free to infict cruel and unusual punishment upon my perso--HEY! I didn't agree to that!"  
  
Dot shrugged, "Not under your control, remember?"  
  
"Just like my life."  
  
"Yup."  
  
"*sigh* So while Paladone endures the HELL that is a four week boarding camp of 'Super Soccer' *shudders and moans*, don't  
expect much in the way of writing. Since this note was written on friday the 20th, the same day he's leaving, he  
will not be open for questioning (:P). The only other note he leaves is that he was not aware of such a change until  
two days before the trip. Typical of parents."  
  
Gohan frowned, "Now that ain't true! We always knew in advance about battles!"  
  
Dot whispered, "Raditz?"  
  
"Oh yeah. Well...anyway, to continue..."  
  
"HOWEVER. To tide you readers over for a while, I have reccomended some excellet fictions. Just copy the url and paste  
them into your browser."  
  
Gohan sat down grumpily. "IF I didn't feel so bad for the horrible pain and suffering Paladone will now have to endure,   
I'd beat the living crap out of him. Another four weeks of limbo in this place?"  
  
Dot pulled out the deck of cards that had kept Gohan from leaping into the pit of insanity during the long waits.   
"Gin Rummy?"  
  
  
  
  
  
AS a final note to the people on MSN, each and every one of you 'special' people, I WILL miss all of you until I get back.  
I'm just too big a guy to actually admit it in person, it would be unmanly of myself to do so. Probably because I'd  
break down and cry at the prospect of four weeks with nothing but stale cafeteria food and bunk bedsand screaming coaches  
that think they're hot sh*t ahead of me. But anyway, you guys are great, and I'll miss you. I'll see you all in august....  
  
  
Now for the good stuff.  
  
Paladone Reccomendations (copyright)  
  
  
  
Judge Vegeta: Teenebobper Trials  
---------------------------------  
  
I owe Crow this for nothign else but the neverending fun I poke at her and her Woman's Aresenal. This is a must-see  
if you don't like any of the formerly popular boy bands like N'Sync (ick) or if you're one of those biased women who don't   
like Brittany Spears. I stick my tongue out at you. :P HA! AND YOU CAN'T INSULT ME, BECAUSE I'll BE GONE!   
AHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!....um, anyway.  
  
  
http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=228658  
  
  
Football Frency: DBZ Style  
--------------------------------  
  
This is a cute little story that I enjoyed a lot, for some reason. Just try it out. The DBZ gang tries to play football,  
and Pan and Marron (or bra, I can't remember which) torture Goku with telepathy (as babies). It's just something I'd like,  
I geuss.  
  
http://members.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=228942  
  
Makafushugi Adventure  
----------------------------  
  
Tad more ambitious. THis is a really surprsiging Goku/Bulma pairing, with a lot of Dragonball Humor intact. Be warned,  
it's different and serious. BE OPEN MINDED! You might be surprised at hwo far into the story you get. I lost track  
of two hours.  
  
  
http://members.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=234567  
  
  
THe idiots guide to the Dragonball Saga  
----------------------------------------  
  
  
This is terrific, just because it's so incredibly true. Some of it is kind of innacurate, but you'll get the general idea.  
Read it. Also included is the Movie and Special guide, which is great.   
  
http://members.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=173657  
  
A lifetime of Vegeta  
---------------------  
  
Those of you that haven't read this should be killed, especially if you're Vegeta fans. This should tide you over for weeks,  
it took me FOREVER to finish it. Hilarity in its finest form. First chapter is a really short one, second is a LONG one,  
it's a week in Vegeta's life. The third one is a MONTH, and I'm too scared to try it out. But it's all really funny,  
and it's by Goku Girl, a guru of Fanfiction.   
  
http://members.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=4989  
  
  
Val's LOVE Night  
--------------------  
  
Just kidding Val.  
  
http://www.xxx.com (If you actually copied this, I will laugh so hard)  
  
  
When you cry at night  
----------------------  
  
If you're one of those Gohan/Videl starved folks, like me, you'll like this one. It's a poem from Gohan's POV, and he's  
watching over Videl as she cries in her sleep. It's a sad one, but hey, it's good.  
  
  
http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=199163  
  
  
Piccolo's Heartbeat  
---------------------  
  
The most impossibly sad, makes-you-wanna-cry fic I have ever read in existance for this series. Words cannot describe  
this work of art. It's a Piccolo/Gohan story, though not Yaoi, and it's very, very good. I won't bother ruining any of  
the story, so please read this.   
  
http://members.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=46130  
  
  
and finally, because I'm such a suck up:  
  
Contradicting Mission  
-----------------------  
  
We are in to the 28th chapter I believe, and I wouldn't miss the 29th if someone payed me. This is probably the best   
Gohan action/adventure fanfictions I have ever read. This is definetely for fans of Cell-era Gohan. I'm still confused  
as to how she can dig into this boy's character so realistically. You'll love it if you're starved for action/adventures.  
  
http://members.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=62781  
  
  
Well, that is all. Ja ne, everyone. Pray for me and the soccer balls that will inevitably smack me in the face.  
  
  
Paladone Suchura 


	13. The Grand Finale: The Mary Sue

Disclaimer: Yadda yadda blah blah etc etc.   
  
Notes: Damn you people. You're all way too nice to me. I chanced back on this project in my archives, and decided to check and see how it did over the 3+ months since I've been gone. (FF.net is really different now then from when I started this blasted thing). Sad what its been reduced to, almost, but really, can you blame them? Internet funding and stock is down somewhere in a ditch, dying, and costs've been soaring. Hell, I would've started a webpage a while back, if not for the costs. But seeing all the people that've nagged me be so nice, I SUPPOSE I can finish it. No Drama section though. Honest-to-god, I'm near clean of jokes.   
  
*sigh*   
  
Most of the authors I pushed into the fic when I started are now gone. But I still have one chapter've laughs left, before I start my next project, (let's just say, it involves a, for some of you, newly introduced couple, and one that's very underrated. ^_^) The new project'll be a lot like this one, though I personally won't be quite so big a factor. Maybe.   
  
Anyway, the CONCLUSION.   
  
**_Gohan's Journey: The Mary-Sue FINALE_**   
  
  
**"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" _THUD!_   
  
Gohan and Dot tumbled to the crackling, teetering ground of the hallway in the 'Action-Adventure' section. Gohan looked around wide-eyed. "W-w-w-we're....FREE? AND WE WON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH DRAMA?"   
  
"HE FINALLY STOPPED BEING LAZY? It's the APOCALYPSE! THE SIGN! It's COMING!"   
  
Gohan glanced nervously at Dot. "eheh....can we get out of here now? I haven't seen my mom in 8 months....."   
  
Dot blinked, "Eight months? Isn't this happening in one day?"   
  
"Uh...um...I DUNNO! I WANNA GO HOME!!! WAAAAAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!" The poor boy broke down and cried like he was five again.   
  
Dot looked on sympathetically. "I know, I know. But we still have the worst section to go through, and probably a big battle of some sort or another?"   
  
Gohan's head snapped up, eyes as wide as plates. "The WORST section? You mean it gets WORSE than the ROMANCE SECTION?"   
  


* * *

  
Vegeta continued to lay motionless on the super-gravitized floor saying various unprintable words while Chichi and Bulma began closing in on Gohan.   
  
"So we have to 'download' him, and supposedly he'll pop out, RIGHT BULMA?" *Chichi is still holding the Evil Cliched Frying Pan of DEATH.*   
  
"Uh, heh, yup. Kinda sounds like a very cheap and physically impossible method of pulling out Gohan at the Last Possible Minute, but it'll work."   
  
"It'd BETTER. That young man has some WORK to be doing." Suddenly, Chichi's face twisted, "damn, I'm doing it again. No, he needs to work, not....what the he-!!."   
  


* * *

  
Jevena struggled against her bonds, but to no avail. The Hentai Lady and the Lunatic had captured her, and most of the other's had just dissapeared. (If any of those others is still writing, forgive me, but I couldn't find anything from you ;_;) Steve Savage muttered inaudibly, while Storm Crow, Majin Vegeta, and Maddog stood by and watched random objects fall on Ash's head. Many author's had been lost in the Internet Crash, and Steve Savage's proud empire was a mess.   
  
Val took out her whip cream and sprayed Jevena full in the face with it, laughing demonically.   
  
"HEY! What'd you do THAT for?   
  
"AHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!MUAHAHAHAHGYAAAAAAHHHH!!!!.....Um....I dunno...."   
  
"*spit spit* Geez, I don't even want to KNOW where that's been."   
  
Val glared upward (My world, my jokes :P). Then she grinned. The plan was PERFECT, and with Dyani's group VANQUISHED to the pit of Crossover Hell, she was free to spring the trap on Gohan, thus luring Paladone to his DOOM. Acyla grinned maniacally. "GYAHAHAHAH!!!!!! With those Meddling Kids (copyright) out of the Way, nothing will stop me from giving the punishment to Paladone, the punishment he so RICHLY DESERVES!!!!! *inser evil Villain Music*"   
  
Val smirked, "What are we planning to do with him, anyway?"   
  
"Heh, Fire's always nice. Whips if nothing else. But here, lemme check one of my 4938 mailing lists for advice....."   
  
Val's eyes boggled slightly, "Geez....howdya keep track of it all...."   
  
"Hmmmm....Chinese Water Torture looks good.....maybe some more 'interesting' games too."   
  
Val gagged, "HENTAI!"   
  
"YOU should be talking."   
  
"How DARE you!" (A/N: And yes, once again, I will be taking much abuse for this folks. Pray for me.)   
  
Maddog jumped up. "Oooooh! CATFIGHT!" *both glare at Maddog and advance on him* "Wh...what....oh no! NO! NOOOOOOO!!!!!"   
  
Majin Vegeta stopped them all. "All of you shut UP! Val, put away the Jello. Listen, Gohan's going through the Action-Adventure section right now. Let's just ambush him at the end, whadya say."   
  
The simplicity of it stunned them all. Even Steve.   
  


* * *

  
Dot smiled, "Last one Gohan. Don't worry, it's the worst, but it's the last."   
  
Gohan looked about ready to BURST with joy, he looked like he was seven, his eyes were so wide. "YAY! Come on, let's get this crap OVER WITH!"   
  
The boy sat down while Dot fired up the last story. The mechanical voice bleated out, "New Saiyanjin Savior, by True- Trunks-lovr. Rating: Pg-13. Summary: Set after Gokuh dissapears, a new FEMALE saiyanjin lands on earth, and warns of a new threat. Will she save the Z-Warriors, and, uh oh, is there a relationship starting with Trunks?!"   
  
Gohan shrugged, "Doesn't sound as bad as the others. (Oh, how naive he STILL was) Why does she call us Saiyanjins, though?"   
  
"Um...she's trying to be a l33T (leet) DBZ fan, and use Japanese Words."   
  
"Oh. Wait a second, Trunks didn't appear until the day Dad returned! How does this-"   
  
"Hush, it's starting."   
  
The story opened with the view of a shiny Saiyajin pod flashing down to earth. The camera panned inside to find a STUNNINGLY BEUATIFUL Female Saiyanjin, who was VERY CONCETRATED. "I Hope I'm Not Too Late To Warn Them. Their Planet Is In Danger."   
  
"Wow...this is kinda corny....."   
  
Dot laughed, "you haven't seen NOTHIN yet."   
  
At the Briefs: "BAKA!!! Baaaaka baka. WOMAN! BAKA BAKA! KUSO-ing kurdling kix on top of THAT, BAKA!"   
  
Vegeta was yelling very loudly, while Bulma started seducing him randomly. "I'm WILD about you Vegeta."   
  
"BAKA! WHAT THE KUSOing BAKA is this? Oh yes, I love you too."   
  
Gohan was incredibly perplexed. "Sh*thead, what the damning sh*thead is this? What does THAT mean?"   
  
Then TRUNKS stepped out, Long, Flowing, Gorgeous Purple Hair settling over His Handsome, Studly Face. His Jet-Blue Jumpsuit of Jet-Jelopy (I KNOW that's a word.) made his Big, Rippling Muscles stand out. "Hi you guys." Vegeta's face became soft and proud for his Son, and he only screamed out "You Kuso-head, why aren't you training?"   
  
'Dot, why is there so much ungodly attention going to Trunks?"   
  
"He's the love interest of the story."   
  
"Um....love-interest?"   
  
Piccolo was meditating, but he wasn't important.   
  
Gohan stood up. "GODDAMIT! These people REALLY piss me off! And GODDAMN I'm getting uncharacteristically angry!"   
  
Tien was trying to train, but his pathetic energy wouldn't matter, (A/N people that do this sort of thing for real should die......^_^) and Yamcha was off taking advantage of various women. The camera switched to the Son Home, where Chichi was watching Gohan study, a whip in her hand.   
  
"O.O What the-?"   
  
Dot looked quite nervous, fearing an explosion again. "Um...she's a master of Fanfiction Cliches....this is one of the last standing sections you haven't blown up yet...."   
  
Gohan looked up, noticing a Very Powerful Ki. "Oh my good golly GOSH. GOMEN NASAAAAIIII! Flying fists of Fury, who's tha-?" (A/N: This constant alliteration is SO much fun. Look forward to more. ^_^)   
  
CRACK! A whip hit him in the back, "WORK! STUDY! Nosoupforyou! ****Vock-SHNELL! Freuven VAGNER!"**   
  
The real Gohan got angry again. "What do they think she is, Hitler? And these Japanese-German words are AWFUL."   
  
The story Gohan stood up, determined. "I'm not a BABY anymore MOM! I'm in KINDERGARTEN! I'm going to go see who it is that is threating the peaceful purposeness of our portly pool of pine!"   
  
Gohan: .....wtf is THAT supposed to mean? I sound like that anouncer from America!   
  
Then the brave boy broke through the roof and flew away from his Evil Whore of a Mother. Chichi yelled as he flew away, "JAA! SPEICHEN SI DEUTCH! GOOOHHHAAAAANNNNN!!!!" Then she suddenly got emotional. "MY WIDDLE BABY IS GROWING UUUUPPPPPPP!!!!!"   
  
Gohan resolved not to say ANYTHING now, and save all of his anger up to hit something later. Maybe Vegeta, if he was lucky enough to get out of here.   
  
All the mystic Z-Fighters gathered under the Designated Meeting Tree to wait for the pod to land.   
  
Vegeta looked up, and started yelling like he supposedly always does. "BAKA! YAROING KUSO! WEAKLINGS! I AM THE PRINCE, BOW DOWN TO ME!"   
  
Kururin stood by, "Gee mondo whiz you guys, I'm so weak how could **I** be useful? Why don't I just go home!"   
  
Yamcha snickered evilly, "Heh, you go home. When I, the great and magnificent Yamcha, win back Bulma and defeat this evil Saiyanjin, I will become the super sexy swinging SHIMATTA MASTER of the WORLD!"   
  
Real Gohan: Dot...how much longer is this?   
Dot: 43 chapters?   
Real Gohan: *faints*   
  
Suddenly, Piccolo looked up, "Oh MOSHI MOSHI! Candy-coated KAMI on the COB! SHE'S HERE!!!!"   
  
The pod landed, and everyone jumped back afraid, except for Brave, Strong, Compassionate Trunks, who had achieved a New Level of Power without Anyone Else Knowing.   
  
The pod opened with a HISSSSSSSS. Out stepped a Dark, Beautiful Saiyanjin, with strange, Red Eyes that will become a plot point later in the story. Her power was incredible, almost matching Vegeta. "Is this Planet Earth? The one that orbits the Great Sun? I am Carryot, a surviving full-blooded saiyajin."   
  
Vegeta yelled, "What the Chikyuu is THIS! A Female Saiyanjin that SURVIVED the Destruction? HOW!"   
  
The story then reverted to a long, deep, sad, emotional story about a tough warrior with a soft heart who had narrowly e scaped destruction as a child, gone on many adventures, faced Furiza's Cousin's Daughter's Husband's Uncle's Grandfather and barely survived. The deep, sad, emotional story was apparently not interesting to our hero, who was happily snoring in his chair. Dot roughly shook him awake. "Gohan! Wake up, or you won't be able to leave, and we'll have to start over!"   
  
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! OK OK! I'm Awake! ...how much more"   
  
"I think we're on chapter 4 now"   
  
"*dies*"   
  
Chao-zu smiled in the fic. "I think we should trust her. We've hardly met for ten minutes, but her story is sad and stuff."   
  
Tien, however, cursed, "You foolish Onichans! She's a Saiyanjin, she must DIE!"   
  
Tien launched himself Pathetically Slowly, while Carryot lifted her pinky finger and knocked the weakling out.   
  
Gohan: You know....Tien is one of approximately two people my Dad has ever called a 'fighting genius' in his lifetime. He also bought enough time for Vegeta to arrive to the battlefield when we were fighting Cell. He had enough power to help us if nothing else. Why does everyone think he's so weak?   
  
Dot:....um   
  
Trunks laughed. "Serves you right! Anyway, so what have you come to tell us, Carryot, our new-found friend of fear?"   
  
Carryot got Serious, while admiring Trunks. "A threat named Cuntiza (I'm dead out of wierd names), Furiza's sister's lesbian fiancee, wants to destroy earth." (No, I'm not on crack when I'm writing this. And hopefully, no-one under 14'll understand that....except Val. ^_^)   
  
"GASP!" Vegeta roared, "Those BAKAAAAS! We must train tremendously to try to total this Tousan tormenting......BAKA!" (A/N: Huff...puff....that's gotta be a record)   
  
Yamcha snarled again, for no particular reason, "Shut up Vegeta-chan. I could defeat this girl with my 'Womanizer Technique". He was punched to the ground roughly by Brave, Daring, Respectful Trunks. "Don't insult Carryot you JERK!"   
  
Yamcha remained on the ground, beaten like the slime he was, while Carryot looked on adoringly. _What a MAN_.   
  
They all went their seperate ways to train, except Yamcha, who went off to look at Porn at Master Roshi's, and Tien, who was still unconscious since he was so weak. Piccolo refused to train Gohan, since he was...uh...too scared of Adolf Chichi, and focused all of his attention to training the new girl, whom he slowly began to respect and love like his own daughter.   
  
Needless to say, the real Gohan was rather irritated. "Oh come ON! What, does the entire story REVOLVE around this girl? Everyone else is being shunted to the side, or is only involved in making her look good! It's so DUMB! And the missuse of these Japanese words is making me sick."   
  
Dot blinked, "But that's the point of a Mary-Sue. Besides, your forgetting Trunks. They're gonna start speaking French soon."   
  
"Great."   
  
The next 20 chapters were devoted to the slowly *cough* growing relationship between Quiet, Brave, Handsome Trunks and Carryot, the Beautiful Saiyanjin who looked even MORE beautiful in her Very Revealing Fighting Gi. "Oh Trunks, your such a Brave, Caring soul, and wow your Chiee is so HIGH. Tu es tres ennuyeux, et J'adore ton fleau." (You are very annoying, and I love your calamity. And yes, I actually took this from another fic.)   
  
Trunks blushed sweeetly, "Aww.....hey, let's make out! Je veux t'envahir." (eheheh)   
  
"Sure."   
  
Then the camera switched to the Snister Villain. Cuntiza! *dum dum DUUUUM* The ship landed on earth, and Cuntiza left on her own and killed Yamcha, who was distracted in his exploits at a strip bar and din't notice, and Tien, because he was still unconscious because he was so weak. Kururin died too, for no particular reason. Gohan, Vegeta, Piccolo, Strong, Dashing, Daring Trunks, and Carryot all appeared on the battlefield. Cuntiza smirked.   
  
"Ahaha! AHAHAAAAA! YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT MEEEE!" She sounded like an old granny, or, more accurately, like Season 3 Furiza.   
  
Gohan charged, and was briskly knocked out so the REAL heroes could take over.   
  
Gohan: !!!! HEY!   
  
Piccolo snarled, "Yaro-kun! Prepare to be Shimattaed! HYAAAAAH!!!!"   
  
He launched himself at her, and was killed by a flashy attack of some sort. "Onna!" *Died*   
  
Carryot screamed, "NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! PICCOOOOLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*Gasp*OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"   
  
Vegeta snarled, "How dare YOU! HYAAAH!" *thump* Cuntiza's tail snapped his neck like a twig.   
  
Trunks cried, "KASSAN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*GASP*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
  
Gohan thought he would shrivel up and die if the battle got more corny than this.   
  
Trunks and Carryot were all that was left. Both fought Bravely, and gave Cuntiza Many Painful Wounds, but both were tired. "Carryot, if I don't survive this, let me just say that I have always loved you."   
  
"Oh trunks...."   
  
"Aww...how cute.......DIE! AHAHAAAA!" Cuntiza shot a SloeFinishing Move at Trunks, but Carryot SAVED HIM, and took the last blow. They shared one final kiss before she died. "Mmmmmmmm....oh, we gotta do this again Tru----gasp--thud."   
  
Trunks screamed and reached a new level of power, SSj8! "CUNTIZA!!!!....you...will DIE!!!!! Face the wrath of my...POWER!"   
  
"SUPER SPICY SPARK TRUNKS LASER BEAM TITAN LOVE...ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"   
  
Cuntiza died.   
  
And then Trunks wished everyone back, except Tien, because he was too weak to be wished back, and he and Carryot got married. The end.   
  
  
  
Gohan looked confused. "Wait-a-sec, WHAT? What happened? What the?"   
  
Dot shrugged, "Author must've gotten tired of writing the fic after chapter 57."   
  
"Wow, you were right, that was really bad. If I hear ONE MORE missused Japanese word, I'm going to scream. And the Red eyes never became a plot point." Gohan suddenly brightened up, "That was the last one, wasn't it!"   
  
Dot nodded, "Yup. Now both you and I can go back to our respectiv homes!"   
  
Gohan ran around like he was five again singing "I'm gonna be free! I'm gonna be free! NAH NAH NAH NAAAAAAAH NAH-NAH!"   
  
"NOT SO FAST.....GOHAN!"   
  


* * *

  
The wall burst drmatically, and there stood the people between his way and freedom. Gohan grinned insanely at them, "oh no, you will NOT get in my way again. I am going HOME!"   
  
Val smirked. "HA! Sorry kiddo, but we need you! **I NEED YOU!!** um...crap that didn't sound right. Um..."   
  
A battle was eminent. On one side, Ash, Eric, Agony, Val, Acyla, Maddog, Majin Vegeta, *gasp*, Steve Savage, Jevena (tied up), and MSC. On the other, Gohan and Dot.   
  
Gohan powered up to SSJ2, and was fully and entirely prepared to bowl through them to get to the magic exit.   
  
Suddenly, Dot moved in front of Gohan. "This is ridiculous. You must be the thickest-headed people I have EVER seen."   
  
Acyla frowned, "What do you mean? Get out of my way, you worthless creature!"   
  
Dot suddenly laughed, "You've been looking for me for the ENTIRE story, and you didn't bother to think where this 'Floating-dot Guide' came from? My god, where-else would THAT come from? You dissapoint me. I was never hiding, I simply changed a little."   
  
Majin Vegeta's eyes widened. "Y---YOU?!!?!?!"   
  
The Dot suddenly morphed, evolving into a rather tall, BROWN-haired man. Gohan suddenly snarled. "So THAT'S why I've been thinking how 'Great and magnificent an author Paladone is'. Cheater!"   
  
Paladone shrugged. "It was fun."   
  
Gohan muttered as the others circled him. "Want some help?"   
  
"Yeah, that'd be nice. Take care of Steve, would you?"   
  
Gohan launched at Steve with a fury, pounding him into the dirt, while Ash and his Pokemon were the first to launch at Paladone. The author smirked, backhanded agony into non-existance, and threw Erik over near Gohan, and then picked up ash and threw him and Mistress Storm Crow into a warp that led to a *gasp, run on sentence* section far away where they could be alone.   
  
(The audience is snickering. Oh come ON, I'm inserting myself! Of COURSE I'm gonna win!)   
  
While Gohan played two-ball soccer using Erik and Steve, Acyla and Val flanked the devilish Author while Vegeta attempted an Extremely Large Ki Blast. Unfortunately, since Paladone had control of the Laws of Physics (I love being in my own story), the blast backfired (HEY! JANEMBA DID IT! WHY CAN'T I?). Vegeta disintegrated, and regenerated, trapped in the NC-17 Harry Potter section, doomed to a horrific and ghastly fate.   
  
Val snarled. "Palajerk!!!!! This is cheap, you're cheating again!"   
  
Paladone just smiled calmly. "All right, fine. No more cheating."   
  
Gohan continued to play soccer, though now Chelsee played on the other team, 'against' Gohan, winking and smiling constantly. Acyla and Val simultaneously charged at Paladone. The brave soul ducked, and Acyla sailed over his head, while he simultaneously stuck his foot out, tripping Val into a magic puddle of jello.   
  
Val muttered, " 'No more cheating' my ass." Meanwhile, Chelsee had trapped Gohan in another bear-hug, talking constantly while Gohan struggled to breathe, face turning a purplish blend of red and blue. "Ooooh, this is inspiring me to torture you even MORE in Contradicting Mission (come on, you know it's true ^_^) Oooh, goodness, I think my eyes are dialating again :)". Steve and Erik lay in a tumbled mess, the morphing arm accidentally changing into a fish net of steel.   
  
Paladone decided to end the one-sided fight, and posed as if he was doing a Taiyoken. "CHARM FLASH!!!!" The room was engulfed in bright light.   
  
(Ok, STOP SNICKERING LIKE I KNOW YOU ARE! My Charm BLINDS ALL! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA.....ok, lets continue.)   
  
Val screamed, "NO! NOT THE CHARM! It's BLINDING! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
  
Acyla and Val, now overcome with Blinding Charm, were rendered harmless, and now served to do anything Paladone asked them to. (Oh quit snickering you Perverts) He had them tie themselves up to some peices of rubble just before the charm wore off, upon which they screamed bloody murder at him, promising many unprintable fates if they ever got free.   
  
Gohan, meanwhile, had finally managed to loosen the Grip on his neck so he could breathe again. "*gasp* *wheeze*. Well, I geuss that's over. Um, Chelsee, could you-"   
  
"No."   
  
"But-"   
  
"No, I'm comfy!" *pout pout*   
  
Then, all of a sudden, Gohan's eyes flashed, and he stared right at Paladone. "Wait a second...that warp...that was you, wasn't it?"   
  
Paladone glanced questioningly at the boy, "Um...yup."   
  
"So you were responsible for DRAGGING ME THROUGH ALL THIS!"   
  
"Um...eheheheh....it was fun, wasn't it?"   
  
Gohan blasted into ssj2, an insane Vegeta-Quality grin forming on his face, speaking dangerously quietly "And you put me through EIGHT MONTHS of CRAP to ENTERTAIN these people?""   
  
Paladone was looking decidedly nervous, "Um....hey, comeon. I'm Dot! Buddy...friend...pal....um...."   
  
Gohan lurched himself forward, Chelsee still holding on, ready to beat the living piss out of our favorite Author. Paladone paled, actually expecting some great measure of pain, until he finally remembered someting at the last minute---   
  


* * *

  
"Got him! Begin the downloading provess now!"   
  
Chichi danced around happily. "YAY! And I don't feel like a Nazi anymore, for some strange reason---"   
  
CRASH!!!! The training room door burst to the floor, and Vegeta was huffing and puffing like the wolf who just broke through the brick house. "YOU WOMEN ARE GOING TO PAAAA----GACK!!!" POW! Gohan, still angled for a punch, flew out of the computer and blasted straight into Vegeta, placing a rather large dent in his internal organs.   
  
Gohan was confused. "What.....Vegeta? VEGETA!" Gohan cried happily, and gave the now EXTREMELY grumpy prince a bone- crushing hug (he's still SSJ2). Then he looked at his Mom and Bulma. "BULMA! You're a self-confident woman again!" (Bulma looks confused) "MOM! You're not a feminine Hitler anymore!"   
  
"WHAT are you TALKING ABOUT Gohan! Power down this INSTANT--do you realize what time it is?"   
  
"But Mooooom!"   
  
"And get that girl off your back, where the hell were you, anyway!"   
  
Gohan paled, "Chelsee?"   
  
Chelsee grinned, "YAY! Now I can use my Magic Wand of Writing goodness to make you the Main Hero!"   
  
Gohan cried, "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! LEGGO! LEGGO!"   
  
The poor boy flew off into the horizon, with Chelsee following close behind. "HEY! WAIT FOR MEEE!"   
  
Vegeta was by now completely lost. "Woman, I'm going to bed. I've had enough of this."   
  
"GUEST ROOM, Vegeta. No mating for a week, remember?"   
  
Vegeta suddenly powered up, "BOY! You're going to DIE FOR THIS!!!!" He, too, flew off into the distance.   
  
Chichi ran into her capsule car to try and catch her son and finally drag him home. (Lord, poor Gohan)   
  
Bulma simply stared at them all, then buried her face in her hands. And thus, the story came to a close, Paladone was dubbed King of Fanfiction.net (Egotistical? Who?), and poor Gohan was still in trouble. Would he EVER be at peace?   
  
Or will he meet with Paladone once again?   
  
Probably, knowing me. Self-insertion is my Forte.   
  
  
  
**_THE END_**   
  


* * *

  
Fun, no? Well, I've finall completed it, and am ready to begin the World's Greatest Gohan/Videl story. The (excellent) Season 5 episodes made me appreciate this couple a lot. I'm going to chibi-fi them a little, and blatantly rip off some ideas from "Gohan Love Wars". But hey, that's ALSO my Forte' ^_^. Ja ne, everyone, it's been fun. 


End file.
